Letter 23 of 23: 365 of 365

 Dear 2023, 

I hope this finds you well and ready to sign out.

A lot has been said. There’s a whole lot more that could be added but, I feel like that would be spoiling it. 

I’d like to continue the tradition of giving flowers today. If I could, I’d copy and paste last year’s last letter here and then let it be. Pity. I can’t. 

I’d like to give flowers to everyone who fought silent wars this year. Everyone who felt like they were chasing their tails. Flowers to those whose year it wasn’t but kept on going. Flowers to those who got hurt. Flowers also for those whose plans didn’t work out. I’d like to give flowers to everyone who wishes they were with loved ones but death robbed them of that. Flowers to everyone who woke up and showed up on days when they felt like they couldn’t. 

I’d also like to share flowers with those who are always there to share their joy, love and support. You guys deserve an entire nursery. 

I’d also like to give a flower to life and thank her for her lessons.

Floral Regards

Linda 

Letter 22 of 23: Psalm 90:17

 Hey 2023,

We’re almost at the end of our conversation.  Can you believe it?!  Psalm 90:17 was my spiritual anchor for the year. What a theme! 

Talk about God knowing exactly what you will need and going before you. 

We pray the Lord’s Prayer almost every single day. “Your will be done” sometimes escapes our lips without us even being conscious of what we’re saying. Fam, I say we because it sounds politically correct. If you can’t relate l, please share notes with your girl as to how you get it right. 

I noticed this year that I needed to make it a habit to turn to God and pray for His approval before I do things. 

II truly appreciate every single opportunity I got this year - to love, to live, to be creative and to be supportive. I’m grateful for the opportunity I got to join the league, to pray for certain situations with others…to just bask in the humility of knowing that God’s approval matters…

Thank you for this lesson, 2023! 

Letter 21 of 23: Things I can’t change

Good day 2023,

Yeah no. You’re not disappointing. Today is really going by quickly. 

Let’s reflect on one of my themes for this year: things I can’t change. I borrowed a line from the serenity prayer. Yho! If I rock up with a theme like “go with the flow” next year, blame it on this theme. 

It showed me flames fam. We’re almost done with this year and it’s still on full blast. Awe ma! This theme hit me so hard I’ve started to even doubt if I know the meaning of the word “accept”. 

I have a list of things that I can’t change. An entire list. At the surface they seem to be “changeable”. When you zoom in, there are just layers upon layers of complexity. I struggled (read I’m struggling) with this theme. No lies! 

What’s weird about “things you can’t change” is how everyone else seems to have quick fixes. Quick fixes that don’t suite you. No matter how hard you try, you can’t relate to them or make them fit. I mean you tuck in your tummy and go around for a while. Forbid you chuckle or even have one good meal…you’re back to feeling squeezed and suffocated. Then you end up realising it’s things “I” can’t change and not things “we” can’t change. 

This theme has been so complex. I’ve been wrestling with it the whole year and my conclusion is…I don’t have to forcibly accept the things I can’t change. I have the right to be annoyed, and frustrated for as long as I should. I have the responsibility, however, to ensure I don’t become toxic to the other parts of me that need me whole… 

Letter 20 of 23: Life happened

 2023,

You’re quickly slipping away. I never get just how quickly day 365 tends to go! 

You know how adulting teaches you that you make plans and then “life happens”? Well…that LITERALLY happened this year. 

There’s always that one letter that always dribbles me, more than the others, in every series. The one where the titles change so much. One whose introduction is almost never perfect. One you don’t know how to put together. One you’re not sure should even be out there. Remember that “he loves me, he loves me not” game where you pluck out the petals of the flower? This letter is exactly like that. Except in my mind I have a “be private, be private not” song going on in my mind 😂

I’ve actually been throwing hints throughout the series. I guess if you think back, you’ll pick them up. I got a call after one letter where a friend was actually asking why I’m not spilling the actual tea the fam would like to sip. I guess I wouldn’t be Linda if you didn’t have to wait, right? 🙈😂

Life happened on your timeline, 2023. I became a mom. Yes, an entire me is someone’s mother. Someone falls asleep in my arms. Calms down at the sound of my voice. Becomes shady when is not getting their way. Smiles so warmly when looking into my eyes. Giggles at the sight of us reflecting from the mirror. 

Someone redefined my description of nocturnal - I was never! I didn’t even know what it actually meant before these sleepless nights. Someone stopped me from jogging and had me on diaper marathons. Someone screams and yells…and I stop everything I’m doing to try and figure out why she’s cranky. 

Someone searches for my eyes in a room full of people and when they find them, they calm down. Sometimes, okay a lot of the times, my arms are someone’s bed and that’s where they would rather be for some naps. 

After 25 I felt grown. After 30 I felt grown grown. Remember my beef about the degrees of comparison? Now is one of those examples. How do I say becoming a mom has made me feel “growner or growneth” 😂

I’m happy . I’m scared. I’m excited. I’m freaked out. I’m so grateful that life happened…

Letter 19 of 23: Songs

 Hello 2023,

What’s good? We’re on your last day and I can’t believe it! 

I came across a song that took me back to my childhood yesterday . Back in rural Eastern Cape when radio was like one of my friends. The radio station which was always on was Umhlobo Wenene FM. So yes. Definitely mind the friendship pun 😂

When I heard the song it felt as if I was on some Time Machine and I just went back. Back to when life was simpler. Back to when it was more fun. Low key wish I knew this back then instead of counting down to when I’d be older. Anyway, I heard the song and I got to appreciate the power of songs for the millionth time in my life. 

Songs have the magical ability to touch our souls. They touch them, warm up our hearts and just heal. I’m one of those people who even go to the extent of attaching songs to people. I remember I’ve once had this up as a status and I got to tell people which songs come to mind when I think of them. If I’ve known you longer, our memories can even make up a soundtrack 😂

Today the race for song of the year is on like nobody’s business in my country. I love this tradition. I almost always have a song myself but this year I’m just meh. I don’t have a song I’d attach to you, 2023. Even if I’d finally decide, it wouldn’t be any one of the latest tracks. 

I can’t say which song you’d be if you were a song, 2023. I know which song you’ve been a response to. Definitely I hope you dance as covered by Gladys Knight. All puns intended! 

I danced, 2023. I danced…

Letter 18 of 23: Jonah moments

 Ta 2023, 

We’re still on that church tip right? Let’s reflect on Jonah moments while we’re still there before taking another shot turn. 

The story of Jonah used to fascinate me. It’s one of the stories I remember quite well. Probably because there was a song narrating the entire story. Also one of the stories which made me weary of boats.  I also low key think that’s when I put two and two together that whales are big. Each time I consider their size, I just think: you can fit an entire Jonah inside one. Now that I’m older, it’s one of the stories which don’t make sure. I guess I keep wondering what he told his wife. Did she believe that he was where he allegedly was? 😂 Jokes. Don’t share this with my mother! 😂😂😂

On a serious note, naturally, I now view the story in a different way. Now, it’s less about the whale or its size. The focus now is on direction.

There are quite a few things that made me realise that I have a few Jonah moments myself. God would have a certain instruction  or plan or dream for me and I would have another one. Then, I’d just boldly decide to venture in the opposite direction. Most times, I’d do this under the advisement of my fake friends self doubt and Imposter syndrome. These two always mask themselves as true and loyal friends with the very best of intentions. Do I not believe them and string along? Tjo! 

If I had to summarise this, 2023, I’d say that life was the whale and I was Jonah! Life humbly and kindly swallowed me. Then redirected me to where i was initially supposed to go. Gwababa ereng mo ngwaneng?! 

Letter 17 of 23: Becoming

Hey 2023,

It is I. I return.

Aging comes with so many things. Grey hair popping up uninvited. All things adulting. Sleep being a favourite thing to do. Another one of them is you waking up one day and then realising that you’re in the position which you considered as “old”. 

I grew up in a Christian community. I grew up observing how the elder women in my community had a unique dress code on each Sundays and Thursdays of the week. They would each put on uniform belonging to various sodalities. Black and white, purple, navy blue and red, red and white, green and white, white with different aprons and white doeks, green and yellow, black with leopard skin…and so forth. Back then, I thought that once one gets old they automatically join these groups. 

As I grew older, I got a bit of understanding on some of the differences between each uniform, the requirements and what it meant to be umama webatyi / womthandazo (a woman of prayer / of the cloth). I remember how we would have to stay behind church long after mass waiting for my mother’s meetings to end. Torture.  I’d ask myself if God was pleased at how we were waiting there hungry while they spoke with him…again. Did He not hear them during mass? Why were their prayers so long? 

Thou shall not judge! Many moons later…I am now one of them. Phakathi, inside, binnekant! This year I was pinned and welcomed into a sodality: Catholic Women’s League. If you had told me that I would be here, a couple of years ago, I would have laughed at you. I just never saw myself here. 

Life has taught me, 2023, that God has an incredible sense of humour…

Letter 16 of 23: What should have been

 Good morning 2023, 

It actually is. Are we running behind with the letters? Yes. Are things hectic with a capital H. Yes. It’s still a good morning. We move…

You know how you make plans and then jiki jiki (suddenly) something happens and you need to change the plan? That has been the case with so many of these letters. There a certain things I thought I’d say on certain days. I just thought they’d be a better fit there. Then, life looked at me and giggled a bit. “This one never learns!” I bet she said. 😂

On the contrary. This one is still learning lol. This one is still taking baby steps while approaching this “what should have been” territory. She has not yet mastered it. She takes one step forward, three back and then another four forward. On some days she just sits still. Not in stillness or anything. She just lets her brain wander off like a bouncing ball from plan A to plan Z. 

My list of “what should have been” on your timeline is a combination of hilarious and frustrating. It’s like that sweet and sour salad. Like a buy 1 and get another for free special. 

There will always be things we feel like “should have been”. In some cases we’re lucky enough to see that they weren’t. That we dodged bullets. That the actual reality is better off. In other cases we’re just left with having to accept the card life deals us. We sit with the disappointment until we understand that it years for acceptance as much as we yearn for happiness and joy. In other cases we just get pissed and then shake it off. 

What I’m learning though is that we need to always move…

Letter 15: Take a bow

Yebo. Yes 2023! 

It’s Thursyay! Let’s be nostalgic this weekend. 

Before your time, 2023, we had a hit called Take a bow by Rihanna. I would like to borrow some of its lyrics and use them in a completely different context than they were intended for. Like you know when you “borrow” but have no intention to return? Yes. Exactly like that 😂

The stan list is a tradition on the #lettersto series. It’s usually a platform where I get to celebrate talent and just give a round of applause to creatives. It initially went to songs of the year. Then I added tv shows and movies. I guess this year I’m switching things up a bit more…let’s have a general top 5. There will be ties. Which then doesn’t really limit it to 5 but, don’t mind my maths. Just trust the celebration. 

“And the award for the best” performances goes to: 

Banyana Banyana & Springboks 

So so proud of these teams. So pleased by their performances on the world stage and just in awe of how they represented us so well. Even happier at how the country rallied behind them and celebrated them. We will raise our children to know that superheroes are not limited to capes…wow 🙌🏽

Shaka ilemble 

I am yet to see something that is touched by Nomzamo Mbatha that doesn’t turn into magic. ✨ This show was a pure treat to watch. The cast took me back to history in a very unique manner and I was just absolutely blown away. There is storytelling and then there is art and then there is perfection and then there is…Shaka ilembe! Yeah no. I yes everything about it👏🏽 

iPlan by Dlala Thukzin, Zaba and Skyes 

There is always that song you hope doesn’t play in public because you don’t trust yourself. This has been it for me 😂 Really enjoy this track! 

Clash of the Choirs: Team KZN

Yho Yho yhoooooo! What a team leader! What a team! Awe Ma! I don’t remember a performance that I didn’t watch and didn’t repeat. This team was on fire 🔥. Loved their sound, dedication and commitment to their craft. Amabhubesi to the world! 🙌🏽

Sis Maria 

I’m not the only person who can never get enough of her content and talent! Such a creative concept. Relatable. Petty. Hilarious and just awesome. I am never not shook and equally entertained. Shap neh! 😂

To all of the individuals and teams on the list “that was quite a show” and it was “very entertaining”! 

I always put out the disclaimer that this is completely subjective. It is. So, fam, please join me in saying “how about a round of applause, a standing innovation”….

P.s if you ended up singing to the whole song: how are your knees? 😌😂

Letter 14 of 23: Choosing Peace

 Good evening 2023,

So far so busy. Homegirl you aren’t disappointing! Worry not, I’m definitely not going to pull a 2022 on you. Not at the moment anyway lol. Please do me a favour. Pretend like this letter was posted yesterday…

This week is one of those exciting one of lasts. Yesterday (read today) was Chooseday and it had me thinking about some of my life choices. Not my 101 embarrassing moments. Not how I could have had a different career path (which I won’t mention 😂) had I worked hard on being an IT girl. Oh and also definitely not some of the crazy things I’ve done with my friends. No. None of the above. Yesterday (read today) I was thinking about most of the times when I had to choose peace on your timeline, 2023. 

What a difficulty! Fam, you have no idea how many times I’ve spoken to God about His marvellous creation. Peace, would almost always show up like an unwanted, and nagging, guest wanting me to pick her. I’d even be in my full blown phuma silwe (come and let’s fight) self but Peace would just enter the scene and whisper: “pick me. Choose me. Please pick me, you won’t regret it.” 

There were times when I listened. There were times when I didn’t. There were times when I would just be stuck…and eventually choose Peace.  

Choosing Peace is hard. Especially when the disrespect in the room is set at “no shame at all” degrees. That or when you’re just in shock at the disastrous wonders of audacity. Choosing Peace is like that “give them your left side” phenomenon they write about in the bible. It comes especially when you think your left hook would be the best. But no. Peace comes forward and reasons with you. Arg! 😂

I’d just like to give a shout out to myself for each time I decided to choose Peace…