Letter 18 of 23: Jonah moments

 Ta 2023, 

We’re still on that church tip right? Let’s reflect on Jonah moments while we’re still there before taking another shot turn. 

The story of Jonah used to fascinate me. It’s one of the stories I remember quite well. Probably because there was a song narrating the entire story. Also one of the stories which made me weary of boats.  I also low key think that’s when I put two and two together that whales are big. Each time I consider their size, I just think: you can fit an entire Jonah inside one. Now that I’m older, it’s one of the stories which don’t make sure. I guess I keep wondering what he told his wife. Did she believe that he was where he allegedly was? 😂 Jokes. Don’t share this with my mother! 😂😂😂

On a serious note, naturally, I now view the story in a different way. Now, it’s less about the whale or its size. The focus now is on direction.

There are quite a few things that made me realise that I have a few Jonah moments myself. God would have a certain instruction  or plan or dream for me and I would have another one. Then, I’d just boldly decide to venture in the opposite direction. Most times, I’d do this under the advisement of my fake friends self doubt and Imposter syndrome. These two always mask themselves as true and loyal friends with the very best of intentions. Do I not believe them and string along? Tjo! 

If I had to summarise this, 2023, I’d say that life was the whale and I was Jonah! Life humbly and kindly swallowed me. Then redirected me to where i was initially supposed to go. Gwababa ereng mo ngwaneng?! 

Letter 17 of 23: Becoming

Hey 2023,

It is I. I return.

Aging comes with so many things. Grey hair popping up uninvited. All things adulting. Sleep being a favourite thing to do. Another one of them is you waking up one day and then realising that you’re in the position which you considered as “old”. 

I grew up in a Christian community. I grew up observing how the elder women in my community had a unique dress code on each Sundays and Thursdays of the week. They would each put on uniform belonging to various sodalities. Black and white, purple, navy blue and red, red and white, green and white, white with different aprons and white doeks, green and yellow, black with leopard skin…and so forth. Back then, I thought that once one gets old they automatically join these groups. 

As I grew older, I got a bit of understanding on some of the differences between each uniform, the requirements and what it meant to be umama webatyi / womthandazo (a woman of prayer / of the cloth). I remember how we would have to stay behind church long after mass waiting for my mother’s meetings to end. Torture.  I’d ask myself if God was pleased at how we were waiting there hungry while they spoke with him…again. Did He not hear them during mass? Why were their prayers so long? 

Thou shall not judge! Many moons later…I am now one of them. Phakathi, inside, binnekant! This year I was pinned and welcomed into a sodality: Catholic Women’s League. If you had told me that I would be here, a couple of years ago, I would have laughed at you. I just never saw myself here. 

Life has taught me, 2023, that God has an incredible sense of humour…

Letter 16 of 23: What should have been

 Good morning 2023, 

It actually is. Are we running behind with the letters? Yes. Are things hectic with a capital H. Yes. It’s still a good morning. We move…

You know how you make plans and then jiki jiki (suddenly) something happens and you need to change the plan? That has been the case with so many of these letters. There a certain things I thought I’d say on certain days. I just thought they’d be a better fit there. Then, life looked at me and giggled a bit. “This one never learns!” I bet she said. 😂

On the contrary. This one is still learning lol. This one is still taking baby steps while approaching this “what should have been” territory. She has not yet mastered it. She takes one step forward, three back and then another four forward. On some days she just sits still. Not in stillness or anything. She just lets her brain wander off like a bouncing ball from plan A to plan Z. 

My list of “what should have been” on your timeline is a combination of hilarious and frustrating. It’s like that sweet and sour salad. Like a buy 1 and get another for free special. 

There will always be things we feel like “should have been”. In some cases we’re lucky enough to see that they weren’t. That we dodged bullets. That the actual reality is better off. In other cases we’re just left with having to accept the card life deals us. We sit with the disappointment until we understand that it years for acceptance as much as we yearn for happiness and joy. In other cases we just get pissed and then shake it off. 

What I’m learning though is that we need to always move…

Letter 15: Take a bow

Yebo. Yes 2023! 

It’s Thursyay! Let’s be nostalgic this weekend. 

Before your time, 2023, we had a hit called Take a bow by Rihanna. I would like to borrow some of its lyrics and use them in a completely different context than they were intended for. Like you know when you “borrow” but have no intention to return? Yes. Exactly like that 😂

The stan list is a tradition on the #lettersto series. It’s usually a platform where I get to celebrate talent and just give a round of applause to creatives. It initially went to songs of the year. Then I added tv shows and movies. I guess this year I’m switching things up a bit more…let’s have a general top 5. There will be ties. Which then doesn’t really limit it to 5 but, don’t mind my maths. Just trust the celebration. 

“And the award for the best” performances goes to: 

Banyana Banyana & Springboks 

So so proud of these teams. So pleased by their performances on the world stage and just in awe of how they represented us so well. Even happier at how the country rallied behind them and celebrated them. We will raise our children to know that superheroes are not limited to capes…wow 🙌🏽

Shaka ilemble 

I am yet to see something that is touched by Nomzamo Mbatha that doesn’t turn into magic. ✨ This show was a pure treat to watch. The cast took me back to history in a very unique manner and I was just absolutely blown away. There is storytelling and then there is art and then there is perfection and then there is…Shaka ilembe! Yeah no. I yes everything about it👏🏽 

iPlan by Dlala Thukzin, Zaba and Skyes 

There is always that song you hope doesn’t play in public because you don’t trust yourself. This has been it for me 😂 Really enjoy this track! 

Clash of the Choirs: Team KZN

Yho Yho yhoooooo! What a team leader! What a team! Awe Ma! I don’t remember a performance that I didn’t watch and didn’t repeat. This team was on fire 🔥. Loved their sound, dedication and commitment to their craft. Amabhubesi to the world! 🙌🏽

Sis Maria 

I’m not the only person who can never get enough of her content and talent! Such a creative concept. Relatable. Petty. Hilarious and just awesome. I am never not shook and equally entertained. Shap neh! 😂

To all of the individuals and teams on the list “that was quite a show” and it was “very entertaining”! 

I always put out the disclaimer that this is completely subjective. It is. So, fam, please join me in saying “how about a round of applause, a standing innovation”….

P.s if you ended up singing to the whole song: how are your knees? 😌😂

Letter 13 of 23: Vanilla Coke

 Good afternoon 2023, 

I’m exhausted. That’s the post 😂

This exhaustion is part of the annual December package. I know it’s coming. I prepare for it like it’s a marathon. Then when it comes…I always have this eish, and defeated feeling, like I couldn’t pace myself enough. Like I can barely keep running and that I’ll reach the finish line crawling. 

Adulting has me by the washing fam! Right now my ultimate Sbwl is a quiet December. One silent night isn’t enough. Give me all 31  of them. Dazzle them with rest. I want to dash through monatefontein to the sound of joyous bells. Dear Santa, please make this happen…

I recently had the pleasure to enjoy Vanilla Coke. Brought back so many memories from yesteryears. A time when December was a different kind of marathon. I remember being so sad when it was taken off. Will be making the most of its return 😂

May the remaining days of our holidays be like Vanilla Coke. A portion of our childhood pulling through to bring some joy…

Letter 11 of 23: Amper

 Good morning 2023,

I hope you’re well. It’s an okay morning this side. You’re just choosing to be unkind on the weather side of things, ma’am. 

I almost said make up your mind and then I remembered it’s not such an easy thing to do. You can be here, there and nowhere every second until your mind is made up. Then one small thing comes up and then you start all over again. So I won’t judge your indecisiveness homegirl. Today I come in peace. Oh and when I say peace, I only mean towards you. I’ve got a bone to pick with myself today. 

Fam, you know when someone comes over and they say they have tea? How do you tell that the tea is hot before you’ve had it all? I have a few tells. Firstly, they need to tell me that I won’t believe it. Then my response should be something urging them to spill. Then, they need to give me at least one dramatic detail of it all before completion. This is where I then ask them to start at the beninging. Yes, the beninging because the beginning is just too linear and lukewarm in these cases. The exclamations during it all are compulsory. What’s tea without heyi, yho, you lie and noooo way! Want to know what would act as condensed milk in these scenarios? That snapping fingers motion once in a while just for emphasis! 😂

So the tea that I have on myself is: Fam, you will not believe this but, Linda almost fainted. Yeep, believe me. I’m telling you. Homegirl almost dropped flat (snapping fingers !). You know that thing she does of forgetting that she’s an introvert in extrovert skin? Heyi, I’m telling you she did it again this year. Was her visa application approved by the board? Nope. It was on pending and she still decided to present at an international conference. Will this girl ever learn?! Shaking my head! Was the ending messy? Amper (snapping fingers)! You know that Cece Winans song titled Mercy said no? Homegirl made me witness it. Live! 

2023, the rivalry between introvert me and extrovert me continued on your timeline! Very hectic beef this one. I don’t see it ending anytime soon. I can safely say that I will probably have way more “Amper” incidents in future 😂

Letter 10 of 23: Kuyabongwa

 Good day 2023, 

If this reflection had to have a soundtrack it would definitely be Kuyabongwa by Chubby Cheeks.

You know how they place emphasis on “please”, “thank you” and “sorry” when you’re growing up? I’ll be honest, I didn’t get how pedantic they used to be. Like do I really don’t get to keep the sweet if I don’t say thank you? Must every request be accompanied by please? Let’s not go to sorry lol. Does it even matter if I didn’t start the fight? Oh, and, what’s this clause that I shouldn’t just say “sorry”? What’s this business that I should also mean it? Looking back, I went through a lot as a child yazi lol. 

Okay. Jokes aside. I think I got to understand, and appreciate, the value of these lessons as the years went by. Nobody is obliged to give you things. Kindness shown is best accompanied by gratitude. Please isn’t only polite but, it shows consideration. As for sorry…deny your ego sometimes. Just deny it. 

Because adulting is adulting and the grey area is there, I guess you also get to see and accept the other side of this coin. Sometimes please is a mere formality, thank  you can be dashed in sarcasm and sorry can really be just the five letters combined. 

Today I’m just stuck on how thankful I am for so many things this year. I’m thankful for my community. I’m thankful for my tribe. I’m thankful for my companionship with courage. That home girl has held my hand so tightly this year and refuses to let go. I’m thankful for each and every time I wasn’t too preoccupied by challenging experiences to not notice my blessings. 

I’m thankful for each time God has proved me right…and wrong. I’m thankful for each time I was kind to myself and  unapologetic about my boundaries. 

I’m just thankful that you weren’t all bad 2023…

Letter 8 of 23: Reconciliationville

Hey 2023,

How you doing?! 

Here we go again. It’s Reconciliation Day in South Africa and the tradition on the blog is to head to Reconciliationville. 

This post is always challenging. Reconciliation is a very tricky space because it’s usually not in isolation to others. Could this be the year where I decide to bring my squabbles and quarrels with others to this space? Nope. Not because I’m not a Cruella in some version out there. Not because I haven’t been on the receiving end of unkindness. I don’t bring them on here because I’m comfortable with whichever version is doing the rounds. Conflicts are personal and private. They belong to private circles. The minute they become public, that foundation was shaky to even begin with. 

So 2023, let’s talk about my own battles on your timeline. Did I say battles? Nope. I’m not that brave. Let’s stick to one battle: health. 

Fam, if you know me you know that hospitals are my least favourite places. I don’t like it there. I was there so many times this year. Got pricked so many times. At some point you could have sworn that I’m on something. Homegirl even did a stint in the ICU. Long story short - the underground gang just wasn’t ready for me. 

Reconciling with health woes is difficult. Healing is hard - especially when you’re an anomaly. Some days you’re excited about the progress. Some days things just don’t make sure. On other days you feel like the scars give you street cred. On other days your system is just set on call me phunyuka bempethe. Jonga, that famous trio aren’t my homegirls but I can boldly say: I’m a survivor! 😂🙌🏽

No. I’m not ready to publicly talk about what was wrong. Not today anyway. I might wake up tomorrow and do a tell-all…not lol. I guess I can just say my health wasn’t top notch this year. It sucked but I’m much better now. Project gain weight was affected by this but, we try again next year. I’m just reconciling with the pain and helplessness of not being well.

I’ve healed. I’m healing. I’ll continue healing…

Letter 7 of 23: Danko

 Good morning 2023 😀, 

How are you on this Friyay? I greet you in the celebratory joy of 4x rugby world champions. Yeeep, I’m greeting you in amabhokobhoko 🙌🏽😂

The national rugby team of South Africa, the Springboks, recently won the rugby World Cup for the fourth time. What a tournament!What a victory! What an achievement! Most South Africans rallied behind the boys. Yhoo it was epic. I don’t have the adjective to describe the attachment (most) of this country has to that national team. It’s more than “just game”. 

You know how I always joke about being a Xhosalite? This is one of the reasons. I’m not a big rugby or boxing fan despite being from the Eastern Cape. I don’t even usually watch but, I watched most of their games. I guess I could not escape the patriotism fever. The euphoria was on another level. 

That victory just personalised the whole “if it’s meant to be, it will be” phrase. When it’s your time, it just is. Nothing will be able to stand in the way of that. I just remember praying to God that I’m not sure about His will but, all I know is that we can’t afford a loss as a country. 2023, I’m glad that the odds were in our favour! 

The country was promised a public holiday to celebrate this victory and it was set to today. I was so grumpy that it wasn’t sooner. Low key still am but, let’s not dwell on that. Like number 1 said, “basebenzile abafana!”. The boks worked hard for that victory and we continue to celebrate each and every one of them. We are proud 🙌🏽

So, Danko! It means thank you…

Letter 5 of 23: Finding Jomo

 Hey 2023,

It’s Wednesday. I have no qualms with this day of the week. It’s my so close yet, so far away but it’s also always filled with positive vibes that I’ve got this. The week can still be saved or it can only get better 😌.

Today I’d like to reflect on one of my themes for the year- Finding Jomo. Be honest, what came to mind when you first read this title? Did you ask yourself who Jomo is? Was it the legendary football player? Or the movies on Nemo and Dory? Were you spot on and guessed that I’m referring to the joy of missing out? 

I had a pretty good feeling that I’d be missing out on a couple of things this year. Let’s just say I had a hunch. A very, very good hunch. So I just had to prepare myself to deal with the fomo (fear of missing out) and what better way to do so than to find joy? 

To be honest, like most themes and resolutions for some people, this was prettier on paper than it was in reality. I think the world we live in conditions us to fear missing out so much as if it were a pandemic. It’s not. It’s really not. I’m still telling myself that there will be things we miss and forever wonder about but, there’s more to life. 

We’re almost at the end of your timeline, 2023, and I’m still grappling with this. I’m working on being present where I am. I’m finding joy in moments of absence. Tricky space to be in but, the work needs to be done…