Letter 5/20

 Dear 2020,

It's Reconciliation day in South Africa. This public holiday holds so many contradictions in my country. I prefer to stay away from politics of it all and do my own thing. I started a personal tradition when I began the reflective letters back in 2018. On this day, I decided to head to Reconciliationville.

There's always a section in town or part of a neighbourhood that you avoid. I know I still avoid areas where I'll be subjected to call calls or crowds or unnecessary drama. Reconciliationville is filled with those. Today I'd like to reflect on some of those "no go" zones that you've taken me to 2020. 

So I'm not very big on confrontation. Emotional drama drains me and makes me so uncomfortable that I avoid it. My empath radar helps with this most times. Not this year. I've gotten into so many tiffs and disagreements this year on the personal front. Each incident unique. I guess most of them had been building up for years and it was just time for the explosions. It poured.

Reflecting on each case has been interesting. I'm seeing that I'm not as patient as I thought. I appreciate the honesty of the engagements. I'm chilled with the apologies that won't come or weren't authentic. I've got traumas of my own that still need more work. Some conflicts were necessary for me to leave comfort zones. There were times when my ego needed more nursing than my need for peace.

I guess I've got two highlights from all the dramas. Firstly, there are African adults who know how to say that they are sorry. They don't disregard your views based on when you were born and they validate your differences. Bless them. I can only speak for Africa when I say that they are a rare species. Secondly, we need to put less focus on who was wrong and who was right after conflicts and focus more on sharing perspectives. There are so many peaceful revelations that come from that.

I've also learnt to accept that there are things I'll never reconcile with - the triggers of death and just other things that stay bottled up in my chest.

I hope I form part of a generation that apologises to those younger. I hope I let go of the linear notion of villains and heroes. I hope that I realise that the greatest reconciliation is the one I make with my inner self. 2020, I will forever be grateful for this lesson...