Letter 14/20

 Merry Christmas 2020!

At the last family meeting the president made mention that this could be the last for many. That hit me so hard.

It's true. This year has completely changed the way we live. Above it all, it has taken. It has ended jobs, broken relationships and taken lives. My heart breaks as I imagine bread winners who couldn't provide today. There are little ones who couldn't flex in their Christmas clothes on the streets. So many families aren't feeling festive because of the chill of death. For many, today is far from merry.

I can't imagine how my next Christmas will be. The way things are going with the second wave, making it to next Christmas will be a blessing beyond measure. I don't even want to think about my family and friends. Life is fragile and something just tells me that 2021 is got to be lit. 

When I think about people I've lost, I'm always taken back to our last memories. I always wonder if I could have done anything differently if I'd known it would be my last. The scenes that play out are always different. On some days I wish I had one last memory. On some days the void is too much to bare. On other days I hold on to my favourite memory and treat it as if it were the last. On days when I can, I appreciate each moment because it may be the last. 

This is probably the first Christmas where I'm really  not worried about the commercial and consumerist aspects of the day. I guess we can't fully escape those. I'm not worried about chopping or getting salad recipes right. I haven't handed out a single gift. Christmas clothes? I left that WhatsApp group quite late but this year just certified things. I guess this year I was only left to appreciate the real value of things and how most of them aren't tangible. As corny as it may sound, it's true.

Note to my future self: A "merry" Christmas is a blessing. I hope that your faith has nurtured you. I hope that you're still true to yourself. I hope that you're still kind and still believe that joy should be shared. I hope that you're still guided by gratitude...