Letter 13/20

 It's Christmas Eve, 2020! 

It's Christmas Eve and I've abandoned tradition this year. Actually gathered courage to start something new. Something I've low key always wanted to do but gwababa (fear) didn't let me. I wasn't going to be able to pull it off this year either but plans changed, I saw a gap and I maximized on the opportunity. Something 2020 taught me quite well.

I'm blessed with circles of all kinds. Each close to my heart in a different way. While I end up being the "baby" in most of them, I'm a senior in a few. Very few lol. So it's a role I hold quite dear and close to my heart. Today I'd like to take a minute to share my reflection with my younger sisters, my younger brothers and those who prefer not to conform to gender categories.

Yes, I know I come across as a strict and no-nonsense taker. I hope you know I've got a crazy and laid back side that's just a joke away from cracking up and forgetting that I was even reprimanding you a minute ago. I hope, above all else, that you know that my door is always open to listen. Even if I won't agree. I'll listen and acknowledge your validity.

2020 has been crappy but it's reminded me of the importance of generational healing. I've tried to share my failures with you. So that you may know that perfection is an illusion. I've tried to share my fears with you. So that you may know that elders also struggle with locating courage. I've sat with you on your darkest days. To show you that sometimes elders also don't have answers. I've tried to show you that discouragement isn't permanent. To show you life isn't always fair. There are days when I've told you things would get better. While deep down I prayed that God doesn't make me a liar. 

I still feel under qualified to have you looking up to me. That will take a while to get over. At your age, you do things I wouldn't have imagined when I was that age. You're brave, kind and so courageous. I just know how blessed I am to have you. To be inspired by your dreams. To crack up at your jokes and outlook on life. To marvel at your amazing resilience. To wish I could have been your age just so that we could actually hang out more. Even if I think I wouldn't make the cut in being part of your squads. I know I'm blessed to share interests with you and to share your journey.

2020 has made me value you even more. It's inspired me to redefine so many aspects of who I am that were defined, and crafted, by pain experienced by previous generations. I've realised that most reasons behind "you can't" are buried deep behind limiting projections. I started something new today so that I can be able to tell you that you can....