Letter 2/20

 Hello 2020,

As most of you know I grew up in rural Eastern Cape, South Africa. We're big on tradition and culture. Double edged sword I tell you. I say this because the lessons imparted there have formed the cornerstone of who I am and I'm proud. I say this, too, because there's also toxicity that I grow uncomfortable with each and every day. Those are stories for another time though. My Xhosa folks are big on hierarchy. One of the many things you're told growing is up is not to be a spoon. If I had received a rand for all the times I heard "Musa ukuba licephe, Linda!" (Don't be a spoon, Linda), I'd be filthy rich. Why? Spoons carry while they themselves are being carried. Basically boils down to adhering to the hierarchy of things. I've adulted so much this year that I ended up regreting the days when I couldn't wait to adult. Gone are the days when I used to envy the masses who carry spoons.

I've known that adulting is a trap for a while but, boy did you make things worse 2020. Bantase, I wish they had told me that things aren't so rosy here in Adultville. The weight of those spoons is heavy. One of the worst things about that weight is that it doesn't come with a healthy manual of dealing with things.

The lockdown period felt like a large magnifying glass on that manual. Oh you know, the manual that hides behind keeping routine or any of the things we do to "escape" the reality of our situations. Things we did because others did and not because we even understood them fully ourselves. One of the growing pains of Adultville is letting go of expectations that other people must show up for you. The expectations we harbour that we will be treated the same way that we treat others. The expectation that life will always be fair. Lockdown made me confront the real reasons why I was scared of change.

It's tough here in Adultville but I'm taking each day as it comes. 2020, thank you for teaching me the art of breathing in and out and getting out of bed when all I wanted was to snuggle in for "5 more minutes". Thank you for making me appreciate the luxury of being able to show up...