Letter 13 - 22 of 22: Flowers

 Good evening 2022, 

Yes. I did what I just did. You can’t blame me. So little time, so much to say. I guess I won’t get the opportunity to get to it all but, I’d like to hand out a few flowers before we wrap up day 365 of 356…

I haven’t always been a fan of this giving flowers business. A nolali (village girl) will always carry a bit of that and the sinus business isn’t a joke. Things have changed a bit in the last decade or so though. I’m not saying I’m a huge fan. Just that I’ve grown to appreciate the gesture. I’d like to give out a few flowers before I bid your timeline goodbye 2022. 

I’d like to give flowers to my smile and laughter suppliers . The ones who crack me up, who lessen the load of sadness and the ones who make me realise that giggles are a need.

I’d like to give flowers to my keepers. The ones who call out my b.s, who are anecdotes to the Impostor Syndrome and ones who cross my mind every time I think of going rogue. I appreciate your honourable orders. 

I’d like to give flowers to my “you don’t thank a fish for swimming” crew. My pack. If you were spices, you’d be my six gun. I don’t need much when I’m around you - your love and loyalty seems to always know how to cater to my being. I value you. 

I’d like to give flowers to my cheerleaders. Thank you for believing in me even on days when I don’t. Thank you for being kind. Thank you for being a stong presence on my journey. 

I’d also like to give flowers to the people who have been instrumental in my growth - in all spheres of my life. 

Last, but not least, I’d like to spare a bouquet for myself. Yes, I’d like to thank me. Uncle Snoop taught me well and I ain’t going back. I’d like to thank myself for going on, for smiling, for not letting go of kindness even when it’s mistaken for foolishness…for pursuing peace relentlessly and for fighting to be me…

A rose for you too 2022. Thank you for the gift of life and for her lessons…

Grateful regards, 

Linda 

Letter 12 of 22: My Stan list

Hello 2022, 

Are you well this morning?

It’s that time of the year when I give flowers where they’re due. This top 10 used to be for music only. Not this year. It seems like we've been tweaking tradition so, why stop now?  I’d just like to have a potjie of creatives who I stan and explain why…

Let's begin with the songs. For some odd reason, I wasn't following much this year. These ones, however, did the things with the pots for me.

K.O - Sete ft. Young Stunna, Blxckie

What's there not to like about this song? Like it, love it, absolutely obsessed with it! Enjoy the lyrics, the melodies, and just how beautiful love songs can be. 

Senior Oat - All in you ft. Kemy Chienda

This song took me to church and groove! I've danced to it with my best moves. Yes, the ones we can all agree that I have. I have included it as part of my praise and worship. I also remember humming to it during one of my most favourable moments of this year. Truly a work of art. 

John Legend - Nervous (Mthandazo Gatya verse)

I have all the love and respect for John but, this tribute goes out to Mthandazo and what he did to that open verse. Yhoooo. What he did can't be undone. I had goosies listening it. Wow! What a talent. It was extra special to watch him get the opportunity to perform with John. I've always admired the glow of Mthandazo's star. May it continue to rise. 

Luxury SA - Crazy Vibez

Heyi! There's always that one song each year that brings out the "yaaaas" in you. 2022, this has been that song for me! This is that song whose name you don't know. The song you hear and can't even tell people about it. The song which comes on and cheers you up. Definitely worth a stan! 

This song actually brings me to a new category on my stan list. TikTokers! So, I joined TikTok this year (@lindafekisi). Not as active but, I'm enjoying those streets. The creativity is off the hook, content is hilarious and informative at the same time. I'm liking it there and I can't help but not stan these creatives. Disclaimer: There are so many others, I just had to stick to 3. 

@Nathanmolefe - First of all, thiza Bontjies! I have no words for you lol. I like Nathan's creativity, how he rocks his dance moves and his hilarious content. My favourite video to date is the "keo rekele dikuku" one. Basically becase it sums up how I felt about Crazy Vibez. 

@Ndile_Thandile - This account brings out the nerd in me a bit. Enjoy the creative content and how it incorporates intercultural elements. I see a lot of people using content here as part of their academic material. Continue doing your thing Bafo.

@Smokeymirror_- Heyi. iNtombi! The girl who does the things. My fighter. What a creative creator. I crack up every time I come across his content. I’m a bit worried about the viyolence bo mogirl like to display but, absolutely love the storylines. 

My last three spots on the stan list go to movies and telenovelas/ dramas and series. 

The Wife

Firstly, now I know the difference between “based on” and “inspired by”. Took a few seasons and being in a toxic relationship with Showmax but, I can safely say that I’ve made the distinction. I may have a few things to critique but, nothing compares to the heat brought by the cast of this drama. They. Are. Talent. Personified. Hats off and a standing ovation to each of them from bringing life to their characters and giving us a place called home…

The Women King 

Again, much can be said about the politics surrounding historical context inspiring this movie. I’m not there. Where I am is just how it was amazing to watch it. I was hooked from the beginning right up until the end. The cast is so talented. I’m tempted to mention names, I’ll resist that urge. It was just amazing to see the entire production come together. Hats off…

How to ruin Christmas

Let’s bend tradition once more.

I haven’t seen the latest but, I’m going into it clapping and giving it popcorn from the trailer. Saw the return of some of my favourites and I can’t wait. Dear Busi, you will be missed…

Letter 11 of 22: Embracing mgowo season

 Hello 2022, 

How do you do? 

I’m not quite sure how I feel about our conversation. It’s both one of the best and yet frustrating conversations since I began this journey of end year epistolaries. Much like so many moments on your timeline. 

I may have said this on here before but, nothing prepares you for the grey area like adulting. Jonga (look) here we get glimpses of black and white. The rest…different shades of grey. 

One of the main things about the letter epistolaries has been: a reflective letter each day. Tough to crack but I had been doing well these past few years. When 2022 came,  I thought that I’d manage to keep this tradition but I haven’t. It’s been frustrating. I won’t lie. I’ve come to realise, however, it’s not all bad…

Earlier this year I reflected on pouring from empty cups. This December feels like my proof of residence is there. Having only enough for your own cup with little to spare. Life is just forcing me to pause and focus on my present…and to embrace it fully and wholeheartedly.

Naturally, this has affected a couple of my relationships with others. I’m not usually MIA, in hibernation for long periods or even AWOL for that matter. Mgowo is teaching me that this season doesn’t change who I am. It’s probably carving a better version of me. I may wrestle with guilt from time to time but that’s normal.

I will pitch…when I pitch…in whichever way I pitch…and I’ll still be awesome. Can the church say Amen? 

Letter 10 of 22: Die Here is my Herder

Merry Christmas 2022, 

How are you on your last Sunday? Today I’ve decided to dedicate a reflection to my spiritual theme for your timeline: Psalm 23. 

Before I go any further, let me just make a disclaimer: I am not one of the 44. I’m saying this just in case that person’s fans come for me. I’m just someone who learnt the hymn in Afrikaans and who, once in a while, needs to hum it to navigate this Psalm. 

For some odd reason, I can’t remember how I got to pick this theme this morning. I remember it was another verse initially and I changed it. I guess I thought I’d need it and I was right. 

Psalm 23 has been such a comfort on your timeline 2023. Especially when I was walking through the valley of the shadow of deadlines, setbacks, losing faith in the dream and Imposter syndrome. It brought me back to myself…

My favourite verse is definitely the last. My favourite memoir is titled after it. It has defined one of my most memorable inspirational moments. It is also such a comforting reminder that what God has promised you will find its way to you. I am a living testimony of this on your timeline 2022. 

I pray that God’s goodness and mercy continues to hunt and locate me in 2023…

Letter 9 of 22: One two buckle my shoe

 What's good 2022?!

Prior to the letters, I thought I had you all figured out. Much like the nursery rhyme that is the title of this post. My dear friend, you were the "seven, eight, lay them straight" line. I say were because it seems like you've taken a curve and are trying to become like your predecessors...

Last year, I wrote about how I was in stitches when certain lyrics were butchered. This year, I realise that I am also on the very same boat. In my mind, it has been "three, four, knock on the door" instead of "three, four, shut the door". Shut the door? Shut the door where? Which door? Why is google messing up with my childhood? Am I the only one who knocked on the door? I can't believe my life had been a lie. lol. 

This reminds me of my current position with you 2022. We were coming along so well. Why now, jiki jiki (all of a sudden), deciding to act up on your girl? 

On a serious note, I'm currently reflecting, or rather confronting, the spirit of feeling like I am entitled to all good seasons throughout. I'm nursing my ego with the "seasons are different" mogirl ointment. I'm trying to drink water, mind my business and just appreciate life as it comes. 

So I guess what I'm trying to convince myself is that two yucky weeks, with glimpses of awesomeness in between, can't get in the way of the good thing we had? Right? 

This would be an interesting perspective to adopt for long term...

Letter 8 of 22: Reconciliationville

Good morning 2022,

Let's head up to Reconciliationville today. This trip usually occurs on 16 December, which is a public holiday known as Reconciliation Day in South Africa, but this year we took another young shot left on the day.

Have you ever been on a trip that ended up not being the trip you thought it would be? It happens, right? Trust me, I know. I've learnt a thing or two about these on the 2022 timeline. Point is, destinations are not necessarily what you thought they would be. One of the prominent lessons I learnt this year about the healing journey is that the destination is not necessarily making peace with others. I'm not saying that isn't an important aspect of Reconciliation. No. I just mean that I discovered that, maybe for me, the destination of my healing journey is finding inner peace within myself. 

This year, I focused less on what was happening around me - conflict, disagreements, miscommunication, cutting ties, betrayals etc and more on what was happening inside of me during those times - anger, frustration, annoyance and surprisingly, relief. Yes, not all conflict is bad. Some is very good for future references. Knowing were to avoid potholes. Life is like the state of the roads in South Africa - your emotional state, like the mode of transport you're using, needs to be roadworthy to carry you on rundown paths. 

When things fell apart this year, I just kept adjusting the route on the emotional GPS to locate Peace. I'll be honest, at times I hit the "your destination is on the right" when there was absolutely nothing there. At other times I got the "turn left" when left really was not an option. I guess maybe because I was done repeating certain emotional patterns which were not healthy for the sake of "peace". Then, once in a while, I was met with the occasional "you have arrived at your destination" and my, oh, my it was glorious. Being At Peace is one of the most breathtaking destinations to be. 

There were times too, when I had to meditate on the "Your people, Lord" prayer like I would the rosary. Kodwa (but) that is not an area I like to visit at Reconciliationville. Like Bruno, we don't talk about people here. 

2022,  Thank you for cleansing me of unrealistic and suffocating routes to inner peace. I'm grateful for the lesson that reconciliation begins with me... 

Letter 7 of 22: Nku e llile

 Dear 2022, 

Your entire timeline has been a watershed moment for this family, both literally and

figuratively. It is certainly due to the former that we could grasp and appreciate the latter.

As a family we had just come out of our “teething phase” experienced in the early months of your

predecessor. Having three young ones in this family we “knew” that it would be smooth sailing for a

while, barring the extreme unexpected moments. Guess what you did, you were like: “here are

some terrible twos with an extra serving of unexpected in the extreme.”

So, what was a man to do? What was the proverbial sheep to do? Nku e llile on your timeline and

the sky did not fall. At the time it did not seem so, in that moment the sky was falling, the tunnel was

closing in and thus the light at the end was having an Eskom moment.

If you are a proud man/woman, husband/wife and father/mother who knows only to “support” and

not how to “lean on”, this moment becomes unbearable. That excruciating but liberating pain of

letting go and learning to lean on the ones meant to lean on you became our watershed moment.

The moment when you can trust your young children with mature content that says your parent is not all that strong.

So, morning came and the sky was in place and it was stage 0 and the light was flickering but was

there. So, you have opened our eyes to the fact that Nku e ka lla and that the sky will still be there.

Nku e ka lla and we will still be a family. Nku e ka lla and we’ll still respect each other.

In conclusion 2022, you have taught us that we need to learn to “lean on” as much as we support

those that are nearest and dearest to us.

Khotso!

Litloholo tsa Bataung ba Ramokhele!

Letter 6 of 22: My encounter with grief and loss

Dear 2022,

You've taught me something about losing a loved one. 

You'll never understand grief from a distance. One can only imagine it until it strikes in your circle. 

2022 robbed people's lives tragically and horrifying ways: rape cases, suicides, accidents, murders, etc. Yes, all these have occurred before, but deaths of young people in 2022 escalated and it is was so unfair.

It is heartbreaking to see parents bury their own children. Unfortunately we will never have sufficient answers for them. One can never get used to death, and 2022 happened to be the year in which I experienced it in my circle for the very first time. 

I pray and hope for God's peace and comfort on everyone who lost their loved ones: be it a parent, friend, boyfriend, neighbor, acquaintance in 2022. 

People don't have to understand how you feel but I hope you heal overtime; as it is said "it gets better with time".

Kind regards

Mahlogonolo Rankapole

Letter 5 of 22: Enjoy the ride

Dear 2022,

My biggest lesson from you has definitely been to enjoy the ride. There are a couple other lessons...

When we are living in what was once a prayer, we tend to forget to live in such moments simply because as humans we always tend to want more, and for some reasons we always think if we can have more of certain things, then we will be happier. I had to learn that if I don’t appreciate where  I'm at, nothing will guarantee that whatever it is I’m seeking will make me happier. One of the greatest reminders is that “we hurt ourselves because we obsess about the end of our journeys” instead of just enjoying the ride.

Another one of the biggest lessons the year taught me is to live in the moment instead of obsessing over the final destination. Destination addiction is a real thing. It is also one of the biggest thieves of joy. 

If we do not appreciate where we are, at the present moment, that’s an injustice to our journeys because there are pretty good reasons why we are where we are currently. If I am not content with what I have and where I'm at, while working on getting to where I want to be, chances are when I finally get to that particular place I will still be empty, unhappy and unfulfilled...

There is beauty in living in the moment. Take everything in: the lessons, the challenges, the disappointments, the happiness, because they shape the people that we are becoming. How boring would life be if we figured it out? The beauty of becoming lies in enjoying the ride.

Lastly, while on this journey called life, always remember “Your value is not attached to what you accomplish” . And the beauty of being a prayerful and a grateful person is that it always puts you at ease knowing that you will always end up where you are meant to be. 

Do not put pressure on yourself, just enjoy the ride.

Kind regards,

Dakalo Muthelo

Letter 4 of 22: A line or two for 2022

 Dear 2022,

I'm not an individual of many words but, here's a poem dedicated to your timeline.

The embrace of your  thoughts

Are as sweet as the thorny

Sound of silence that lingers

Through the cold knights

Peaceable are the tears

That rise and chase away loneliness

How I long for that war ridden night

To chase away the commotion of day

As the light blinds the tears

I get a vivid picture of bliss

But my mouth hears the ears speak

Of deception within the embrace

Like warm ice running down the spine

I see you for who you are

Shaping and moulding me

To the Oasis that will quench

The thoughts of bliss and serendipity.

Kind regards,

Mzee

A friend of Life and Her Lessons

Letter 3 of 22: Grace showed up

 Dear 2022, 

You have been a year of Grace for me.

It has been both humbling and empowering.

No matter how undeserving I felt, I have been loved this year in a way I cannot comprehend.

I have seen God, experienced God in people, and rediscovered God in me.

I have seen God in His fatherly character through His forgiveness and care towards me. God has been gentle with me and confirmed His promises for me in this lifetime. I saw this mostly on the days when I felt that the choices I made, rendered me deserving of the hardships that I had gone through in the last few years.

I have experienced Him in my friendships, where I truly thought the boat has sailed and I had pushed

them far enough not to imagine still having them. God showed up through people in ways that still

shock me and I can only acknowledge that it is God who led them to love me. Family showing up is one thing but friends can choose to simply walk away and God was like nope, you going to be there for her.

Accepting this kind of love in friendship is in itself humbling and the kind of journey you can only walk

once with a person, in a forever kind of way. So I am grateful for all the people God used to show Himself to me this year.

In rediscovering God, I have learned to love Him again. Forgive Him, because well I had to. My anger for myself was reflected in my relationship with Him. His pursuit of me reminded me to forgive myself and realise that I was not really angry at Him.

Although I am not ready to acknowledge and debrief from the demons I have faced or the mountains I

have had to climb this year, I am glad I did. I will know I am ready when I finally have the energy and the correct mindset to learn and grow from the debriefing. So that I may grasp the true lesson and gain the most out of the reflection of these experiences.

So the perfectly imperfect me is fighting. Some days feel like a win while others don’t, yet I am looking

forward to 2023 and know that in all things…. I am not alone.

I am humbled by Gods love for me and empowered by the community He has created around me, His

grace has truly been sufficient.

Yours truly

Kelebogile Boleu

Letter 2 of 22: The paw paw, the fan and everything else in between

 Iyhooo 2022,

I don’t even know where to begin. The beginning isn’t a viable option. It’s just as messy as the middle and the present. The paw paw hit the fan and everything else in between...

Before I go any further, I’d like to apologise for my absence these past few days. I know some you have not been even able to reach me on my phone. I was kept away by matters beyond my control. When I say beyond, I mean the distance between Cape Town and Cairo, the unexpected heat burn from that hot pan on your hand and the inability for one to kiss their elbow. Yes. It was that deep.

I thought that 2020 had prepared me for things not going according to plan. Listen, I thought I had become an expert and moving from plan A to plan F and then Plan M swiftly. These past few days have taught me that I still have a way to go. It’s not a long way. Neither is it a short way. Days are different. All I know is that I need a route to mastering this…

2022, you’re currently serving me the kuse mhlabeni apha (I’m using this in the context of “this is how the cookie of life crumbles”) card. There’s something so numbing about losing control. It undermines your poor egos attempts at “keeping on top of things”. It puts your patience to the ultimate test. Oh and your humility…shame. Homegirl feels like the scrop lap (cleaning cloth) that’s been doing the rounds at a family mgidi (celebration). In the meantime, the entire system is humming Senzeni na? (what have we done?) in an almost perfect harmony.

I’m going through a yucky phase on your timeline, and it sucks. That’s all I can say. All I can master myself up to say anyway. I will keep the rest inside emotional volts resembling Azkaban where it should remain. God knows I need dementors, all things divine and the Holy spirit to keep them at bay…

As it stands, things are going back on track. Is it a straight one? Jeepers no. Am I hanging on? For dear life.

On the brighter side of things, the next couple of days will be filled with letters from friends of Life and Her Lessons. Do stay tuned!

Letter 1 of 22: The Nile

 Dear 2022,

I hope that this letter finds you well. It serves to kick off the long standing tradition of reflective letters I contribute each year.

A point of order before I begin my reflection. This year, things will be a bit different. I'm only writing a dozen letters to you. The rest will come from the circle of friends who have been walking this journey with me. That being said, I thought I'd kick start today with a trend I picked up on your timeline.

The Nile is a long river in Egypt.

I think I was in primary school when I first heard that phrase. I don't remember the teacher who shared it but, I do recall the point she was driving across. Made perfect sense back in the day. "Deny everything" was a go to in Primary. If you didn't catch my hands in the jar - it wasn't me.

Adulting has, of course, brought about a different dimension of what denial is, what it means and how one navigates those dynamics.

2022, your timeline has been a constant reminder that the Nile is a long river in Egypt. I've lost count of the number of times you dealt me cards that forced me to face things as they were instead of how I wanted them to be. What an uncomfortable position...

This uncomfortable lesson has crept up in a few areas. I guess that biggest one being that there is no escaping the adulting gig. It's the biggest scam and it only gets trickier - unless you stop being in denial. What a difficulty.

Confronting the denial of being an empath has been both exhausting and liberating. Confronting the denial that people are not who they present themselves to be or a dealing with their own denials has been messy. Confronting the denial that adulting comes with growing pains...now that is where the danger is...

In it for it

That's it folks. We've officially hit the "in it for it" mark. I am so tired fam. At this point, that word is spelt exh(lind)austed...yhooooo.

You know when you're in the adult hood you tend to reminisce a lot about yesterday's that you took for granted. Right now, extra rest is always on my weekly SWBL list. It's there with the 10 more minutes of sleep battle with the alarm and my non ending beef with Monday...

Starting from this weekend, every weekend of mine is spoken for until Christmas. Ku busy guys. I'm not complaining. Don't get me wrong. Most of the plans include fun and leisure. A portion of the plans include involuntary adulting though. Now that portion is what's getting to me. Like why can't December be what it used to be? Huh? Why can't I just...

If this current chapter of my life had a soundtrack, that infamous clip from Julius Malema would definitely be it...

I'm exh(lind)austed! I'm over 2022. I'm just in it for it shame. At this point, I'm on auto pilot and trusting God...

Proof of life

 Sanibonani nonke!

It's been a minute. Hasn't it? Forgive me. At least I've been consistent with the monthly posts though right? 20:22 on the 22 of each month has been a constant despite my hide and seek moments.

You know how those Facebook memories have a way of making you feel nostalgic? I recently saw a photo of mine from a formal event 10 years ago. Let me spare you the curiosity - I haven't changed much. At first glance one wouldn't even notice how much time has flown by. The only evidence I have are my locks - they were much shorter back then. Short and still thin. Bless this hair. It comes through all the time. And yes, mind all the puns 😂

It didn't take long for my cheesy self to add Masterpiece by Jessie J as a soundtrack to the nostalgia. It fit so well. Befitting- as they would say lol. I feel like I looked at that version of myself and all I had to tell her was that I'm still a work in progress. I still can't colour inside the lines. I basically had to tell baby girl that I haven't arrived at the destination we had planned back then. To be honest with her, Adulthood has reset that GPS location so many times...I believe them when they sat "it's a journey". As khumbaya as that may sound...

October has been so lit. This Queen came with the pressure of "yho, it's so late. Let me just give in and try again next year" vs the spirit of "ha a nono, there's still time. Push". I've always thought that end year fatigue was the peri peri of periods. This October has made it feel like lemon and herb. What is end year fatigue? Have you met October 2022? What a difficulty!

I hope that you'll join me in reflecting on how far you've come, forgiving yourself for feeling stagnant at times (or maybe all the time) and just taking a moment to speak life to the flame of Hope that remains undefeated...

Andikho right!

 I've been subjected to so many hours of loadshedding today that I don't have it in me to share how much. Loadshedding + power outage + Loadshedding + a whole lot of bs I can't get into right now.

To say that this isn't the post I was expecting to put up would be an understatement. I've tried to channel my inner khumbaya but I've come short. On a scale of one to Stage 10...I'm rolling in the dark.

I normally refrain from commenting on social matters in this country because I don't want to turn this space into a political venting outlet. Today I'm keeping quiet because I have nothing kind to share. Yer!

My cup is running low. I can't even see the cup...

I hope that all is well with you. I hope that love and light (yes, mind the pun) finds you and keeps you warm (yes, mind this pun too. It's the least I can offer)...

Then and Now

Hello fam,

Or should I say hello from the other side? Yes, that sounds about right.

Have you noticed how they package those before and after advertisements? How the before is dull and gloomy. Then after looks brighter. You're so caught up in the "wow" moment that you ignore the suspicious little birdie in your head. Turning a new age is much like this.

Firstly, thank you for being part of the countdown. All the celebrations were lit. Thank you for the well wishes. There was something more special about this year. Something that made me low key wish I'd turn this age again next year. Maybe now I understand why people remain 21 with x years of experience.

To be honest, this new year doesn't feel much different from the previous. I haven't marinated much into it but, still. Feels same old.  I've noticed a few changes. Minor ones. Nothing major but, almost everything is still the same. It may be too soon to tell but, just is.

I don't know about you guys but I'm at that "balls in the air" phase of the year. I've dodged enough blows, trying to stay in tune and I'm just holding my breath for the last quarter. I'm refusing to fully adult this month. I'm officially in denial of all those realities. August is a sacred month and it will remain so. We will try again in September.

In the meantime we hold on precious memories. We celebrate all wins, no matter how small, and we remain at peace that sometimes there isn't much difference between then and now...

To me

 It's that time of the year folks. Yi befday yam!

In the early chapters of my life this day wasn't complete without a cake, blowing out candles and festivities. Then somewhere along the line I just wished I could go somewhere on this day and just hide. In the most recent chapters, I've began a tradition of these birthday reflections and the countdowns leading up to them. This post continues that sacred tradition.

As you know, these reflections are conversations I have with who I was, who I am and who I'm working on being. Let's unlock Chapter 30...

Dear Linda,

To who you were
I'm so grateful to you for being such a dreamer. You did what you could with what you had.
No, 30 isn't old at all baby girl.
You have no idea what trauma, toxic or healing mean but someday you'll understand and that will change a lot.
Starting those dreadlocks was a good idea!
If I could, I'd tell you you take it a bit easy - it all works out...even when it doesn't....

To who you are
How and when did we get here?! I look at the mirror and I almost can't recognise you...you so grown! (Even though you still look 18)

Ereng weight gain in our lifetime? You will go down as the legend who appropriated weight. Different is okay.
This world definitely needs a little bit of crazy - don't stop contributing your fair share.
I'm proud of how you always move...(no, your dance moves are not implied lol)


To who  you will become
Homegirl, I'm hoping that you're health bunny.
I hope that you haven't lost our smile.
Never forget how far you've come.
Never lose your sense of wonder...

Happy birthday!  🥂

Pouring from cups

Good evening fam!

I greet you all in the name of #countdownto30! Yeep - we still at it.

Before I begin the reflection, the title is a shout out to everyone who survived those involuntary tea making chores back in the day. It's for you who managed to get a spot on your parent's roll call instead of your sibling. It's a tribute to all the times  you wished the guests preferred water or cold beverages and they didn't. To those who always forgot to warm the cups, I see you. Shout out to you who learnt how to walk steady holding that tray while all the eyes in the room were staring at you. Lastly, to all of us who survived, and are still surviving, those tea making days - standing ovations!

Jokes aside, let's spill some tea. This countdown journey to my new milestone had me thinking about a very hectic aspect of adulting. The part where you learn that you can't pour from an empty cup. What. A. Painful. Lesson. In hindsight, I think I've been wrestling with this concept of not pouring from an empty cup since my early 20s (let's have a moment of silence for my youth).

I think we try so hard to give so much to everything that we tend to lose focus when we're running low on giving to ourselves. We lose sight of the fact that we can't give what we ourselves don't have. We're always on a "pouring" streak that we hardly often notice when the cup is running low.

From where I'm standing, it seems like the 3rd floor has a magic formula for this cup business. People there approach it differently. It's either they have a no cups (read it in that word I can't type out) given policy or they just exude those I don't give a cup (yeep, same word) vibe.

As much as I sbwl (deeply desire) to also get there, I've established long ago that I won't. I'm the type that not only gives cups, I can't help but appreciate that they even exist. Yes, I'm a marshmallow. I'll take that.

So, I'm counting on forgiving myself for every time I poured to the point that I was almost left dehydrated. I'm hoping I look at all the cups I've dropped, and broke, with acceptance. I'm also counting on patience to be by my side as I continue to learn that I need my own cup to overflow before I can even pour out to others...

Asikho lapho

Hello fam!

Asikho lapho is an isiXhosa phrase which can be directly translated to "we're not there". It holds multiple meanings. In popular culture the phrase is used divert a conversation after shots have been fired. Asikho lapho can also have a literal and figurative meaning. I picked it as the title for today's reflection because it holds true to my current reality.

We're halfway into 2022 and the ride is crazy. Crazy, blurry and just hectic. Is it over already? Do I throw in the towel and start again next year? Should I rearrange the goalposts? Why do the themes feel like a trap each year?! I'd go on and on but, asikho lapho.

Am I the only one who is over winter? This winter came way too early and it seems like Homegirl is far from being done with us. I thought my weight gain would be enough. I fell a few kilos short. Better luck next year, right? Another reminder that andikho lapho.

I'm also a few hours shy of being 30 days away from reaching  the 30 years milestone. So firstly, yes, andikho lapho. I'm not there...yet. I'm about to enter one of the most nerve wrecking countdowns of adulthood. I'm not ready guys. I knew it was tickets after 25. Don't get me wrong but, the permanence that comes with this number is just traumatic. It feels like I'm heading towards permanent adulthood - yhuuuu! This post alone won't be able to unpack all the myths and untruths I need to unlearn about turning 30. I'll go easy on myself with that one. I just need to accept that andikho lapho.

Life is teaching me that Asikho lapho season sucks. It has a funny way of undermining progress, baby steps and our ambitions. It feels like when you're waiting to hear "your destination is on the right" after endless round abouts, only for you to hear "turn left" - yerr. It's so deceptive! That and so many other unpleasant adjectives. I'd go on and on but, andikho lapho...

Mafube

We're halfway through the year. Yay! Well, technically we're almost halfway there. What's a few days compared to what we've been through this year? Let's allow "almost" to cont. Just this once fam.

This entire month has been dedicated to recovering from catching hands in May. It's felt like I've been playing catch up on things I put on hold, off or ones that "I'll pretend that you don't even exist" pile. The thing about recovery is that it feels like you're caught between smelling the coffee and practicing self love. Reality is harsh on the one hand but, hope is so optimistic on the other.

2022 is a tricky player. One minute she's kind and full of adventure. Harsh the next. Before you know it you're back on that "adulting is a scam" rabbit hole. The one lesson that life keeps bringing my way is for me to seize the moments equally. Happy? Enjoy it. Having a bad day? Scream, yell or shout. Feeling sad? Locate those tears. I'm learning that there's nothing like being present - whether I like it or not.

This past weekend I was blessed with the gift of being present - in a way that I really liked. I got to watch the sun set while driving through mountains in the Kingdom of Lesotho. To say that the view was breathtaking would be an understatement. While caught up in the moment, I got to ask a friend what the Sesotho word was to describe the marvel. "Mafube", she said. After blurting out a comment I'm not brave enough to share again...I was stuck in thought.

In that moment it hit me...life is a series of tangos with Mafube. The marvel of the sunset. The pain of the dark. The hope brought by sunrise that everything works out in the end...

Catching hands

 Hello, my people!

Winter has officially graced us with her unwanted presence ne? Too early if you ask me. Too early and too cold.

You know those put a finger down challenges? Someone needs to do a "growing up in village" one. (If you know of one, plug me. Your girl is on TikTok and im new). I'd put all fingers down for the: Put a finger down if you were punished / reprimanded by a neighbour and never told your parents about it question. Jonga, that was a standard code. You did not want to catch hands for catching hands in the first place. It was as if parents were claiming territory. "Thou shall not embarrass my hands by allowing other hands to put you in line". Childhood in the lali (village) had complexities!

This month has been like that phenomenon. I've just been catching hands. It's been pouring hands. It's been a moria of hands. Hands in abundance. A trend of hands. Hands that came in various sizes. Hands fam, hands...

The thing about catching hands is that you also struggle to communicate it. It's not like you don't want to let others know you're struggling. It's not like you're reporting to parents that will likely serve more hands. Adulting has just taught you to embrace this season hands on. Yes, pun intended.

I hope that you're well. I hope that your portion of 2022 hands slap less than previous years. I hope your shoulders are carrying your head well. I hope that you find reasons to be grateful. I hope that you can reach a point when you give hands a high five back. 

In the meantime...hibiri! 

May it work

Hello May,

It's worker's day in South Africa today. I thought I'd cash in one of my "being cheesy" tokens  for today's blog reflection. 

Do you remember a time when you couldn't wait to assist with house chores? When you insisted on washing those dishes? When you rushed to learn how to make steamed bread on your own? When the sight of visitors excited you because you could make tea and offer refreshments? What a distant memory. It's so far behind, I don't even remember that version of myself. Childhood just came with the luxury of ignorance and bliss. 

In adulthood, I've observed that the word "work" comes with so much weight for those searching and unable to find, for those suffocated where they are and for those seeking to spread out their wings. I hope that this month brings comfort to all.

Today, I find myself also reflecting on just how important working on ourselves is and how we often forget that working for our peace is the most an important task.

Dear reader,

May it (whatever it is) work for you,

May your prayers, hustle and ambitions work in your favour

May you see the fruits of your labour and your rest,

May you find courage to face those dull days,

May you always put in the work to ensure the self love cup overflows...

Lent 2022: a potjiekos of emotions

Hellooooo family,

It's been a while. How have you been? I've missed you.

Voluntary unplugging from blogging for more than a month is tricky. I don't think I can ever get used to the Lenten break. The first weeks go by quickly. Then during the weeks in the middle I need to keep myself from bursting and uploading impromptu posts. Hot topics come in blazing and I always want to weigh in. Luckily I eventually find the discipline to commit to the fast. You know that video of Julius Malema where he says, "we are cruising"? The final weeks of unplugging feel that way. Before I know it it's Easter and I've got to come out of hiding.

Lent 2022 was a peaceful blessing. One that took me down memory lane on so many occasions. I hadn't been to church for Lent consistently since 2019. I used to feel like Covid robbed me of the experience. Now, I just feel like it gifted me with a new perspective. A lot of things felt like they were new. Like I had never experienced them before or like I had overlooked their value. It felt like I had a 180 turn of some sorts.

It was still Lenty. Don't get me wrong. The fast was hard. My highlight was how I dodged the meat craving bullet successfully on Ash Wednesday. What a victory. That one is always so weird - my craving for meat is on steroids on the day. To the extent that I have a friend who has made it his mission to be my very own personal reminder.

Did you ever get the "how can you go to war without your weapon?" question from your teachers in primary every time you forgot a pen? I always thought they were being hectic. What war? What weapon? Well, this Lent had me feeling that type of way about prayer and how we often overlook it.

I always feel like the alms giving aspect of Lent is personal. So, let me keep it at that.

This Lent I was just reminded of so many ways in which I've changed and many ways in which I've remained the same. I found myself conflicted and yet comforted by my 180 turns. What a rabbit hole! In the end, I focused on the bottom lines. Maybe that's what life is all about. Transitioning and finding rhythm during every season. Right?

I hope that you had a good Lenten season. I hope that your prayers will be answered. I hope that you were able to recharge. I hope that your relationship with your maker has found new meaning and purpose...

The elephant(s) in the room

 Hello family,

I greet you in the name of 220222. I hope that this post finds you palindromically and ambigramically well on a day as auspicious as this one. How's Fabreworry treating you?

Let's face the elephant in my room: we've reached that time of the year when new year's resolutions or themes are showing us flames. That's if we even remember them. We either still do or are questioning what we were thinking in the first place. Right?

One of my themes, the pursuit of peace, is not just an elephant in the room. It's an entire herd! Being an empath doesn't make things any easier too.

I'm finding myself dodge elephants in almost every room. Pursuing peace seemed so rosey...until the reality of it all hit me hard. Our reasons for seeking peace are rooted in our need for healing. Now that's a messy space. Messy but absolutely necessary. Talk about an elephant refusing to be ignored.

Fabreworry 2022 has also managed to squeeze  in the elephant of self love into the room. Oh, how often do we forget that this is a verb. The other unwanted elephant is just how this adulting gig is a one way ticket. Yeep. Nothing has changed in that front. Yerr!

I hope that this month of love has been kind to you. I hope you've received flowers or planted them yourself or even given them to others. I hope you've loved unapologetically. I also hope that at some point this month...you get to reconnect with those parts of yourself which you are absolutely inlove with. May the flame of self love never burn out...

Lastly, I hope the herd of elephants in your room are filled with memories of times which remind you of your true self.

Have a blessed Lenten season family. I'll see you on the other side...

After God, fear...

 After God, fear...Men? Women? Children at night after they've had sugar? Being seated in front of a taxi and having to distribute change? Or, how about a month that feels like three for the price of one?!

Januworry is Januworry guys. Sis isn't dropping the team average. Nope. She's living up to the standards of her clan. Holidays are officially over and the reality of adulting is facing us head on.

So, after God, who/what do you fear? How many years old were you when you discovered this danger? What precautionary measures are you taking? Will 2022 be the year when you deal with this fear once and for all?

If you'd asked me this question before I became a teenager, the answer would have been fictional characters from scary tales. Lesilo, Pinky Pinky  and that "waar is my kop?" (Where is my head?) episode on Emzini Wezinsizwa take the cup. Such a long list for my teen years. Okay. Not just long - long and embarrassing. Now...the fact that the process of adulting is irreversible. Yho! Fear adulting! Fear it...

I imagine there will be a couple members of the "fear doesn't exist in my vocabulary" crew reading this. Good for you mntase!

Okay, jokes aside. Let me be a bit serious. These three months of Januworry 2022 have added a few things on that list. After God, fear the possibility of being surrounded by intentions meant to bring you harm. After God, fear the way you sometimes ignore your instincts. After God, fear how quickly the human mind forgets.

Above it all, especially when things are heated in this life thing, make sure that after God you fear your inability to channel self love...

Re tsene!

 Re tsene! Binnnekant! Singene! We are within!

Happy 2022 er'body 🥳

First of all, I've missed you too. This always happens after the letters. 21 days of daily engagement and then...I go MIA. If you didn't know me better, you'd say I'm like a December fling who decided to ghost you after we had a good thing going. Knowing me, you know I've got you. I just needed a break.

The last few days of last year were lit. I attended two ceremonies. Good times! Always is a pleasure reconnecting with who I am and where I come from. When I was younger, this just meant feasting. Now I'm part of the behind the scenes gang who "make things happen" and boy, is that lit. Energy levels were at an all time low after all was said and done. But ke (anyway), asikho lapho (that's not the point).

We're on a new timeline...yay! Guys, we survived 365 days of that other year. She who shall not be named. She who gave us so much hands. We couldn't all be members of Destiny's Child but we are SURVIVORS. Jabba was definitely referring to us when he asked who the boss is. I don't know about you but, I'm crossing all things I am able to and praying that this year is nothing like the last.

Januworry is always in her own league. I'm trying my best to soak in the last bit of rest that I have before jumping on to the treadmill of all things adulting. Blocking out the noise from last year's Ls and shortcomings. Trying my best to let this year just take it's own course.

My themes for 2022 are: The pursuit of peace, To me and Psalm 23.

Thabk you for being part of the Life and Her lessons family. This year, may we not forget that our biggest fans are the ones looking back from the mirror. May we be kind to ourselves. May we be unapologetic for making the most of each moment which brings us joy, peace and love.

Compliments of the new year family...