We're on day 364. Can you believe it?! I mentioned yesterday that I'll be wrapping up the year reflecting on my themes. Let's do fireworks today.
I've always liked fireworks. How they just glow in the dark as if they are putting on a show. They fascinated me at first sight. Then there was that time when they burnt me and I avoided them. Now, I like to admire them from a distance. I doubt there will be a time when I don't like them. Maybe someday when I'm a parent fussing about safety. Maybe. Today I'd like to think about how I've changed throughout the years and how I'm anticipating more character transformation.
I had just completed Grade 2 at the end of 1999. I don't remember much from that time. I know this was when tomboy Linda began her naughty phase. The main song went something along the lines of "the year 2000...lo nyaka ushukumis' umzimba". Or something like that. Memorizing lyrics wasn't my strong point back then. I knew Brenda Fassie was a big deal. I had no idea just how lit Grade 3 would be.
At the end of 2009 I was waiting for my Grade 12 results. I had no idea how the following year would be. I found solace in the fact that it wouldn't be anything like high school. Soulja boy's kiss me through the phone made sense. I was contemplating cutting off my hair. I had no idea what trauma or triggers meant. This despite having battled multiple anxiety attacks, poor health and drastic weight loss in the last 3 years of high school.
It's 2019 and I'm standing at the end of another decade waiting to close its chapter. I've delivered so many promises I made to the little girl I was. I'm kinder to myself. My values are verbs and not just decorated adjectives. I'm content with my body. I've given up on the hope of being a bit taller. I'm working on acknowledging emotional wounds and I'm actively searching for healing. I still suck at memorizing lyrics. I've been rocking dreadlocks as my signature hairstyle for the past nine years. I know now that adulting is a trap!
I wonder who I will be in 2029. My guess is that I will be a whole other version of myself. I think today I'm praying for her and those who will be around her.
Future Linda, I hope you still consider your smile as a super power. I hope that you understand healing better. I'd like to wish that you're a regular gym person or physically active in some form. Knowing you, I'm not putting my money on this. I pray that you're still selfless, kind and loving. I hope that you're even kinder to yourself and patient when you forget to be. I hope you're not scared to make mistakes. I wonder if you'll be hesitant to enter into 40 just as much as you're not looking forward to 30. I hope that you still believe in the validity of your dreams and your sense of humour. I hope that you know just how brave you are. I pray that you bring light to those around you without burning yourself. I pray that you still fear God.
You're welcome to forget any of the above but please remember this: in 2019 you chose yourself and this was one of your bravest decisions ever. You are a personification of fireworks...
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