How are you on this fine day?
I've told you almost everything that is on my mind since the series began. Well, everything I could manage to get off my chest. On your last three days, I'd like to focus on the three themes I had for you and just reflect on how far I've come. Seeing that it's the last Sunday, let me take you to church 2019.
My scripture theme for this year was Isaiah 60:22. What a battle! I think that this is mainly because when I picked this theme I blindly thought that I was being led to the year of the "right time". I had no idea that it would actually be the year when I get to question almost everything...timing included.
I've had my fair share of nos this year. They came during moments when I desperately needed yesses. In the midst of the war between disappointment and acceptance, there you were Isaiah 60:22. Staring right straight at me.
I found myself in a very unusual and unfamiliar spaces. Spaces where I asked you not to make certain things happen. Spaces where I questioned my intentions and those around me. Spaces where I was no longer occupied by bazothini abantu. Spaces where I questioned the foundation of my perceptions. Who exactly was this time right for? Was my disappointment in the nos really anchored on my own trajectory? Or was it motivated by projections of expectations from others ?
The expectations letter is one of those letters I wasn't ready to write. Not on your timeline 2019. Yes, you've been the mirror on the wall revealing just how much expectations are suffocating. Yes, you've led me to deep conversations with friends on specific ones which we find toxic. Still, you won't see that letter. No.Not now at least. I'm still healing.
As you take your final stretch, I'd like to give you credit for where you've been kind to me. The time was right for self love. The time was right for me to begin my journey of healing. The time was right for me to take my health seriously. The time was right for me to focus on myself a little bit more. The time was right for me to leave my comfort zone. The time was right for me to rely on God for validation. The time was right for me to accept parts of myself that I had neglected.
During all this I got to notice that the right time is not just based on yes and things going your way. When the time is right God also says no. There's a right time for things not to go our way. There is a right time for us to realise our imperfections and shortcomings. There is also the right time for God to say wait. I should know this, given the context of my name...
Did you have to be so complex 2019?
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