Letter 12 of 19

Dear 2019,

Just one more week and you'll be no more. Yay!

Back in the day this used to be one of my least favourite days. It used to be a thorn on my side because I couldn't wait for tomorrow. I couldn't wait for the treats, putting on my new clothes and roaming the streets. It's still a weird day for me. For different reasons this time. I'm not looking forward to putting on an outfit and I discovered how those seven colour meals come into being - labour! The only thing I don't miss about childhood is roaming the streets. Keeping indoors is a bliss.

There were so many times this year when I questioned this whole adulting business. Is it really necessary? Why can't we all remain forever young? To think that I've been waiting so long to be this age. Only to realise that I've been sold lies. Lies, lies and more lies. Adulting is a trap. Half of the things I couldn't wait to do don't excite me. The other half had responsibility clauses that I wasn't aware of. Yikes!

One of the things I enjoy about this adulting business is having the opportunity to let those younger than me in on things I wished I knew better at their age. I'm devoted to making them aware that failure is not denial and that perfection is an illusion. I also would like to think I encourage them to be themselves outside of external expectations and definitions.

I like being a mentor. I think that I can safely say that it's one of the reasons why I'm on this planet. It's a calling. Typing this was easier than living the experience though. I've always been hesitant of seeing myself in this light. We all have things about ourselves that we don't see because of self doubt, insecurities and other perceptions. This is definitely one of those instances for me. 2019, you've made me accept the pros and cons of this part of me.

So my current line of work places me in a unique position to mentor. Every single week I go through experiences which make me dread it or appreciate it. The bad days are draining. The good ones are rewarding on so many levels. The challenge on all the days is to keep a consistent composure and to remain neutral. The draining days are just that. I navigate through condescending remarks, a disregard of my physical and intellectual presence and constant provocation. I always joke that one day I'll write a book about this. I pray that the universe holds me to this.

The rewarding days, on the other hand, are magical. I'm challenged to be a better version of myself, I have the most engaging conversations and I get to see amazing talent blossom in front of my eyes.

On these rewarding days I hear I'm a good mentor. I'm told that I played a role in the realisation of dreams and in guiding people into believing in themselves a bit more. I'm adorned by appreciation messages and shout outs. I'm told that I'm an inspiration and that I touch lives. Imagine that?!

Honestly, I'm working on believing this fully.  I'm working on accepting compliments and centering myself on my strong personality traits without feeling shy or overwhelmed by imposter syndrome. It's okay to be good at something and appreciate it. Thank you for this lesson 2019.

Before you come to an end 2019, I think you should know that I'm thankful for these moments. I pray that these stars I've had the honour to mentor will shine even brighter in 2020 and beyond...