I lost track of time today. You’re no stranger to this phenomenon, right?
I’ve had such a strange relationship with time during the past 363 days. There have been days which felt like half days, there have been days which felt like I had been through two days in one and there have been days like today where I blinked and time had flown by…
At the back of my mind, I think time moves constantly regardless of what we are going through. In my heart, though, I feel like the good days are shorter. I feel like the weird days are just confusing. The bad days just feel like I’m starring in a horror movie and I don’t get to wake up.
You’ve dished out another choke slam since we last spoke. Just when I thought you were at your best behaviour! Boy, was I wrong. Congratulations, you’ve earned your place in the “toughest year’s competition”.
There are many reasons why I lost track of time this year. There were times when I wrestled with my sleep when my body acted up as if I didn’t feed it vegetables when I was busy multi-tasking and cases where I feel like the time thief came and snatched the hours of the day lol.
2018, you haven’t only managed to make me think of a time in the form of hours. This year, I’ve had to think about my age as well. Firstly, I can’t believe that when I was growing up I had the idea that someone my age was old. Being this age was one of the ultimate dreams. Maybe a year older, actually. My younger sister and I used to refer to home as “Robbies”. This was short Robben Island. Anyone who is familiar with the history of our country will relate to our dry humour. We called it that way because we thought it resembled the entire system and we were prisoners. At a certain age, we would have served our time, as our favourite struggle heroes, and be free.
I’ve had to think about my age this year because there were times when I had to pinch myself after I had to share it. Like, what?! Where have the years gone by? I was just planning my 21st a year ago. It wasn’t long when I ticked joyfully next to “early twenties” on forms. How do years roll by as if they are just weeks?
Then, on the other hand, I get to spend time with people who are older and wiser than me. Of course, you know how they are. Always assuring me that I am actually quite young and that there is still time to rethink my decisions wisely. That and “take your time”. Hearing this for the first time didn’t settle my ageing anxiety lol. After a while, however, the conversations simmer and I see the light.
Today I’m grateful for the wisdom of my mentors.
I’m grateful for each and every reminder that I need to get back on track, that I need to rework on something, that buying a proper bed is one of the most important transactions I’ll ever make, how I need to work on my writing…how I need to get out of my comfort zone.
Above all, I’m grateful to time for being constant. This reminds me all the time that I am in charge of how I relate to it. I have the power to hold onto joy much longer than I go grief…
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