Letter 14 of 19

Hello 2019,

Today is another public holiday in South Africa. Yes. We are blessed with them especially in December. The public holiday today is called the Day of Goodwill, formerly known as Boxing Day.

I was today years old when I discovered the intention for the day. So apparently "boxing" was when the rich gave gifts to their servants in boxes and they could take the day off. In my country it basically means the same thing but in a "rainbow" context. Ssh...semantics matter than the lived experience here.

Honestly, I used to think that boxing day had something to do with the sport. Made sense.  A Facebook memory reminded me how I asked people if they would punch someone given the opportunity. Almost everyone agreed. Except for a few who questioned our capabilities of doing such. I'm finding all this so hilarious. Even more so because a part of me will always think of today in that context.

Remember I told you how my immune system doesn't have timing? It struck. Again. The punch came yesterday. The way things were, it was definitely an upper cut. I got up early for the Christmas lunch preparations but these were cut short by that TKO. I spent most of the day in bed feeling like a stranger inside my own body. I still do but I've learnt to soldier on.

This morning I actually want to admit that I don't get the lesson behind my health woes. I get that things could be worse. I'd just definitely trade my immune system for a better one. It's annoying and exhausting. Im tired. Maybe the lesson is that bad days are equally important as good ones.

I'm always hesitant to draft up wish lists for the coming year but I can't help it. In 2020 I'm praying for less consultations, prescriptions and having to endure side effects...

Letter 4 of 19

Hello 2019,

How are you on my least favourite day of the week? 

I wasn't there to cast my vote when they were running elections deciding that business should begin directly after an awesome day like Sunday. I wish that I was. If I was there, I would have voted for Monday to be a "catch-up" day. Oh you know, a day when it's not the weekend and not a weekday. A day when we all get to recollect ourselves before we begin again. Right? I know I'm not the only person who feels this way. I can't be...

My comfort this morning is that this Monday is unlike most Mondays in South Africa. Today my country is celebrating a public holiday known as Reconciliation Day. I won't be getting into the politics of how this day came to be. Instead, I'll let you in on a personal tradition of my own which I began last year during the letters to 2018. Last year I decided to head to Reconciliationville on this day. The town, which is a symbol of small towns we just pass by without getting inside to explore, is where I'll head to once more on this post. 

I wish I was also there when they were running elections on a lot of factors governing my life such as height, weight and the immune system. The immune system is on top of the list though. I would have loved to win those elections! I was going to negotiate for a stronger one. One that behaves and doesn't decide to take left turns every time it feels like it. My immune system misbehaves so much but I think this year it takes the cup! I could be all good the one minute and flat down the next. This letter is behind schedule because my health decided that it wasn't having it. One of the times when it acted up was during the Lerapeleng wedding back in February. That day was one of my favourite days in 2019 and equally my most challenging.

This year began on a very awkward note. I felt offish earlier on in the year and I chose to ignore it. Before I knew it my system slowly kept giving in to all kinds of things. The biggest stunt it pulled was shortly before the wedding. I fell so sick that I almost cancelled attending. I didn't though. I pushed through the fatigue and pain. I paused when I needed to and I hit the dance floor when I got the chance. Fortunately, I look good on all the photos, I didn't trip and fall during the dance routine and I rocked the dress slit lol. Jokes aside, my biggest worry was fainting or not being present. Neither came true. It was a perfect day and my mom held my hand every step of the way. What a woman! 

2019, you've taught me a lesson about reconciling with parts of myself that I find hard to accept. I've successfully talked myself into taking medication regularly. I hardly skip meals. I've made friends with some fruits and vegetables that I couldn't stand. It's not all moonlight and roses though. I should also confess that this is a continuous lesson. I still don't make some of my close friends and family aware when I'm sick. I still struggle to accept "not being able" to function normally myself. I still push myself on days when I should be snuggled up in bed and resting. Above it all, I smile through days when I wish the earth could open up and swallow me. 

Do I wish that my health was kinder to me this year? Yes, yes and yaaaaas! So this reconciliation is a work-in-progress.

As you draw to an end 2019, I find myself grateful for every resilient cell in my body for carrying me through...