Lent is almost upon us. Two more sleeps and then I get to walk around with ash on my forehead. Two more sleeps and then I'll brace myself for the stares in public spaces. I've grown accustomed to this. Maybe because I get distracted and a lot happens on Ash Wednesday. From me remembering to fast from meat on the day to my system adjusting to the new liturgical season. Lent for me is when the annual ultimate David vs Golaith face off is in full swing.
I think I learnt about the Easter story and the story of David and Goliath before I learnt about Lent. I'm not sure which came first. Must have been Easter though. Yes, maybe the eggs had more to do with it than anything else. I'll admit to that. I'll also admit that it was a while before I even got to understand Lent. I grew up in a Catholic home and the church is really big on symbolism. So I was aware of how church was different. Back then I probably knew it was before Easter if we had to go around the church and hear how Jesus got to get on the cross. I found that so exhausting as a child. I kept asking myself if we couldn't just skip to the part where elders didn't get too emotional while sharing the word.
Well, a couple of seasons later and the picture is different. My understanding of Lent and Easter has developed. I can safely say that it is an ongoing journey that continues to take up different forms of my self discovery and self love journey. I worry less about avoiding a weird craving for steak and kidney pie or Chicken Licken on Ash Wednesday. I think I gave in after noticing that I almost always remember halfway through indulging in the meal. In recent years I've also abandoned the "things to keep away from this Lent" list. Those lists are worse than new year's resolutions I tell you!
Lent, the period of 40 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter, is a whole new board game when the adulting clock starts ticking. It got a whole lot tricky when I began the self love and healing journey. Lent is a David and Goliath face off because I go into it with trying to be a better human being after the season. In recent years I've been trying to give up my insecurities and self doubt for Lent. I think this year I'll throw in a toxic trait or two in there. Now that is messy. To say the least.
This face off story is one of the biggest of all time. I guess it's told to us to prepare us for enormous challenges which we will encounter which make us feel small and insignificant like David. Insecurities and self doubt fall right into that. The toxic traits are just a culmination of "self defense" methods. What I've learnt is that this is almost always the case because I seek validation from sources that don't even speak to my inner truths. I want universal acceptance of who I am while I don't even fully understand, let alone accept, myself. I hide behind "humility" while I'm basking in disobedience of who God has called me to be.
I've shared offline before that I'm not a Christian because I've got it all figured out. I'm a Christian because I'm trying to navigate through all my trials and errors. The beauty of this season is that the meditations act as a mirror on the wall that reveals it all. Even the stuff denial allows me to cling to. I see my scars and I learn to love them. My inner David remembers her worth, her inner being and her vocation. On each day I consciously fight back at Goliath. It's funny how life throws in the hardest lessons during this time.
Needless to say, I keep my reflections to myself during this time. I will return to sharing my thoughts after Lent. I hope that the conversations on #lifeandherlessons continue in our private conversations. Those are golden.
I'm praying for everyone who will be observing this season in preparation for Easter. Love and light on your fast. May your David defeat your Goliath. To everyone who won't be observing...wish us luck!
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