I’m quite an observant person but there are some things I miss from my immediate reality. I guess this is when I close my conscious eyes off. I’m pretty sure I do this subconsciously and it speaks to how I’m generally wired up. I don’t know. What I do know is that this happens in all spheres of my life and it varies in depth and magnitude. For instance, how and when I notice the things I’ve been missing also has many facets. These range from downright hilarious to sad and emotional.
I’ll never forget how I did a story on an exhibition by veteran photographer, Omar Badsha. The one detail I missed from one of his photos was the reason he took the photo in the first place. My favourite feature of the photo wasn’t his. We all interpret art differently and the people who offer it have made peace with this. My point, about this post, is that sometimes we also miss the foundation of our characters because our focus is elsewhere.
Today, I realised that I also do this with myself and some of my character traits. I noticed this after I came across a Facebook memory from 6 years ago. It reads as follows: “What sucks about a double edged sword is that it’s advantage is also it’s greatest weakness #lifeandherlessons”
First of all, let’s forgive younger version me for the typo and grammar mistake. It must have been hectic back then. Yes, typo mistake. I’m pretty sure younger me knew the difference between a contraction and possession lol. On a serious note though, wow! Initially, I was just startled at just how I could be so deep back then. I say so because I think I can safely say that that version of myself hadn’t really felt all these fire blows that life throws at you. In all fairness, she had her own fair share of challenges. A feeling that overwhelms me right now is how much I just wish she knew worse was coming. I say so also because I know just how many mistakes she made.
So I don’t quite remember the context of that post. I think I was navigating through handling friendships. I think back then I was realizing that not all strengths are good when you’re juggling relationships with others. Oh boy, do I know this now. Now I’m also aware of some of my own toxic traits…
It’s so peculiar that I came across that particular memory today. Today on a day when the current version me is questioning that version of myself and some of the decisions I made. I guess the lesson life is teaching me through this today is that sometimes, and sadly most times, we go on without paying attention to our personal truths. Sometimes we turn a blind eye to the signs from our inner beings and gut feelings. This could be for various reasons. Whether we’re not conscious of who we are, whether we’re still dependent on how others define us or how we’re just not ready to confront our personal truths.
A message to whichever version of myself I will be on 18 February 2026: I hope that I did not hop off the self-love train before getting to you. Whatever happens, please understand that what I do now may not be the best thing for you but it is for me. I hope you’re still looking forward to other chapters with excitement. I hope that you’re at peace with me as I am now as your past version. I hope that you are present.
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