Letter 7/24: Jinx

 Good evening 2024, 

I’m so exhausted. No, it’s not on you. It’s my own doing. I walked so much today that I may have lost a kg. Tragic, considering that I was celebrating this just yesterday. Bad things happen to good people yazi (you know). 

How exactly do you tell embarrassing stories? Do you go straight to the punchline? Do you go around in circles hoping the listener will lose concentration before you get to your point? Do you tell it as is, then explain? I’m so tired for this maths. I’ll just shoot. 

I had an important errand to run today. Most “convenient” place I could do it was at a mall. If you know me, you’re probably throwing in a Hail Mary for me right now. You’d be spot on because wow, your girl needed it. I thought I remembered how to get to where I needed to go. I was well on the route before a bright idea to “try something new” came to mind and I took in. Did I not get lost? 🤣🙆🏾‍♀️

I walked around that mall so much. You know those people who click on every button on the elevator? That was me. Eventually, the Xhosa lite in me took the lead. I walked up to a security guard, cleaned up my kitchen Zulu and asked for directions. Mind you, I’m exhausted and panicked at this point, so my accent is definitely giving off but it was that or becoming a December scam. I think my locks were even loose at this point. I followed the instructions and after I was done, I went back to calculating my way out of there. What happens on the left should happen on the right. Right? Let’s just say i didn’t make it out of there the same way I came. 

 

I’m exhausted but what if today I discovered my own short cuts? Next time I go there I’ll navigate like a pro 🤣. Maybe not. I’ll avoid that place for as long as I can and by the time I need to go back, I should probably stick to the original plan 🤣

Moral of the story, this weight thing ain’t my friend! I may have even jinxed myself by celebrating yesterday but, you know what? I’ll stick out this unrequited love thing 🤣🤣🤣

Letter 6/24: A win

 Hello 2024, 

It’s Friyay! One of my favourite days of the week. I come (mostly) in peace. 

My reflection today makes me think back to my worst subject back in high school. The anxiety of waiting for the results to come back. Knowing exactly that the test/exam knocked you out but,  hoping for a miracle. Isn’t that what they are? 🤣

The bandage gets ripped off and you find out how you did. Today I’m thinking about the times went things went South East and I found myself grateful that they could have gone South. Or even worse South West 🤣

I’ve had my fair share of Ls this year. Ls in all shapes and sizes. Look, I like the letter but Yho…Ls made me wonder if the word couldn’t have been spelt differently. While I acknowledge them, today I’d like to focus on a W. 

I gained weight! Yes, me. Miss barely got to a certain kg target on the scale for over a decade me. Your girl is within and if luck sticks around…may cruise into the next target. This is something I’ll remember you by, 2024. I was expecting things to go South but, they went North 🤣🙌🏽

Help me raise a glass, friends. This has been one tough battle and I feel like I have conquered…💪🏽🥳💃🏽

Letter 5/24: Izinja

 Heita 2024, 

How are you today? Going through a bit of nostalgia today. Going through some emotions that English can’t express. One thing you should know about me is that music is my go to for expression. I find that it speaks the language of my soul. So, I’ll be taking you through my playlist. 

I was raised by Kwaito. It never leaves me. December is actually a time when it’s at its peak. Trust me, when 1 December comes TKZee’s Dlala Mapantsula is already at the back of my mind. I join the masses who honour this day as our official “Hellooooo December” 🤣

Different, and too many to mention here, songs speak to me each December. Depending on where I am emotionally, where my reflections land me or which dish life and her lessons serve me. There’s always an almost constant one though. Brenda Fassie will always be there. I spent too many festive seasons listening to my neighbour have her in full blast. Too many songs to list. There’s that one year when a member of my family wouldn’t get over Mafikizolo’s udakwa njalo. I still hear them go on “kudakwa onemali, onenyuku” 🤣. My version of Malaika’s Destiny - that you took away from me 2024 🤣. So so many songs. 

One I couldn’t get out of my system today is Mapaputsi’s Izinja. So sad that he left us on your timeline, 2024. You know how the world is always on “All I want for Christmas is you” mode? I get into this mode. Every year without fail it hits me how akusafani nakudala umuntu angene house to house acele iHappy. That line must be one of my favourite lines of all times. I could write an entire paper breaking it down. A loose translation is: things aren’t like back in the day when someone could go into every household and ask for treats. Referring to the South African Christmas tradition that was similar to the whole trick or treat one. I say similar because “iHappy” was next level. Let me not get carried away. 

Things have changed - in the world, in this country…in my own life. I’m looking at how much I’ve changed. Sitting with my reasons why, questioning and laughing at a lot. I miss how naive I used to be, I miss who I used to be before some lessons but…kura uone. Right? 

I mentioned the kodwa moments ne? My kodwa moment is just being at peace with having to grow up. I’m just embracing how things have changed, I’m missing the good old days and I’m just emracjng that ak’safani nakudala…

Letter 4/24: Rest

 Hey 2024,

You good? Today let’s talk about the foreign concept of resting. 

It’s that time of the year when the system refuses to switch on fully. Autopilot isn’t autopiloting. Fatigue is as its peak and your whole being is just hoping that December gets to be December. Or December lite rather. Because the adulting package comes with responsibility at all times. You’re so tired you wish you could go back to childhood and play even harder - because that wasn’t tired. That was fun to be continued. 

Adulting gives tired a whole new look. It’s a constant state of being. This time of the year, however, almost makes it feel like oxygen. Like, what is the end of the year without fatigue? What do you mean you’re not tired? Weren’t you busy being “productive” during the year? Are you one of those “at least there is a glass” type of people? 

Today is one of those days when the lessons you’re trying to avoid sneak up on you. The ones that don’t make you look cute at all. Absolutely nothing demure about them either. Ones that you absolutely need…

Matthew 11:28 came knocking by my door today. It wasn’t alone. It carried the gift of an epiphany. One which left me with a deep longing for rest. Not the kind where your mind is still buzzing with open tabs. Not the kind which makes you wish your feet could shrink back to their normal shape and size. Not the kind when you can’t even tell 6 from 9. The kind which surpasses human understanding…