Letter 9 of 23: Dezembering

 2023,

You still good? You thought I pulled a 2022 on you and went MIA again? lol. I’m still here…

We’ve officially hit the “Dezember” mark of your calendar. The days are all slowly beginning to feel like Saturday and the get togethers are piling up. 

I’ve had special back to back visits with family this weekend and I just needed to recoup. Fam, after 30 things just aren’t the same. You get to realise just how disloyal your body is. How dare it feel this way?! Are the vegetables, and water, not enough? We could do a bit better with the fruits but still…😂

‘Tis the season, right? Must say, being jolly was much more lighter when I was younger but, we still find ways to enjoy the spirit. 

‘Tis also the season for fatigue to wrestle with gratitude so badly that your sight gets affected. One of the reasons why I enjoy being with loved ones is the chance to just forget. Forget about what should be, what was and what next year probably holds but to just be. Be in the moment to laugh. Be in the moment to lend an ear to others. Be in the moment to uncover things (always happens with family!). Be in the moment to just take it all in…

I’m almost in full Dezembering mode and my hope is that I’m present. That I’m present to laugh, share my thoughts, lend an ear and just bask in the blessings of community…

Letter 7 of 23: Danko

 Good morning 2023 😀, 

How are you on this Friyay? I greet you in the celebratory joy of 4x rugby world champions. Yeeep, I’m greeting you in amabhokobhoko 🙌🏽😂

The national rugby team of South Africa, the Springboks, recently won the rugby World Cup for the fourth time. What a tournament!What a victory! What an achievement! Most South Africans rallied behind the boys. Yhoo it was epic. I don’t have the adjective to describe the attachment (most) of this country has to that national team. It’s more than “just game”. 

You know how I always joke about being a Xhosalite? This is one of the reasons. I’m not a big rugby or boxing fan despite being from the Eastern Cape. I don’t even usually watch but, I watched most of their games. I guess I could not escape the patriotism fever. The euphoria was on another level. 

That victory just personalised the whole “if it’s meant to be, it will be” phrase. When it’s your time, it just is. Nothing will be able to stand in the way of that. I just remember praying to God that I’m not sure about His will but, all I know is that we can’t afford a loss as a country. 2023, I’m glad that the odds were in our favour! 

The country was promised a public holiday to celebrate this victory and it was set to today. I was so grumpy that it wasn’t sooner. Low key still am but, let’s not dwell on that. Like number 1 said, “basebenzile abafana!”. The boks worked hard for that victory and we continue to celebrate each and every one of them. We are proud 🙌🏽

So, Danko! It means thank you…

Letter 4 of 23: Loliwe

 Hello 2023,

Not a very good morning. Woke up to the news that Zahara has passed on. I feel numb. Doesn’t help that the weather is cloudy and gloomy…

You know that place you go to when you hear about someone’s passing while your brain is trying to process the news? It’s usually the last memory, a unique memory shared or the realisation that there won’t be another memory. That’s all there was. I didn’t know her on a personal level - not that this qualifies or disqualifies my grief - so my memory is of her performing. 

For some odd reason, Loliwe is the only song that’s on my mind. Stuck there. On repeat…the melody, the texture of her voice, the correct lyrics and yes, my own version of the lyrics. I tend to do that. When I enjoy the music so much, okay, maybe this sentence should be…when the song has been on repeat so many times, the brain finds a way to cope. So Loliwe to me has “Loliwe, Loliwe girl…why did you lie?” lyrics. That’s my truth and I’m standing by it. lol 😂 

Curious. Very curious that I’m here wishing that they were lying and that you are not gone. Even more curious that it’s on that very song that you’re saying that we should wipe our tears. 

I have a pretty good idea that today will be spent ducking and dodging any other potential triggers that may come up. Death, you win again…

Fly on high sisi. You forever be a blessing. Ndiyathemba uba uhlezi phezulu eNkosini (I hope that you are with the Lord)…

Letter 3 of 23: Unsubscribing

Hi 2023, 

How are you on this argh Monday morning ? 

Yes. I still don’t like Mondays. This hasn’t changed on your timeline. I must say though…you did spoil me with many Mondays where I didn’t have to Monday. I could just pretend like we were on Sunday 2.0 and go about my life. That period was bliss.

My beef with Monday won’t end anytime soon. If a person could subscribe to the days of the week, I’d be on the line to unsubscribe to Monday. Yhooo what a day…

Even though we can’t always get what we want, life sometimes gifts us with things we can get and treasure. This year, I hit the unsubscribe button to a page I subscribed to for the longest time: the Mbokodo hood. In South Africa we have a saying: you strike a woman, you strike a rock. I won’t get into the politics of this but this year I accepted I’m no rock and this is what I put together…

No mbokodo me 

If there’s anything that adulting has taught me is that I’m no “Mbokodo”. 

I’m an egg. 

I’m a marshmallow. 

I’m silk. 

I have no urge to hold the knife where it’s the sharpest.

I’m no rock.

I’m soft. 

I’m the s’kang atamela tsotsi type. 

My strength is no open invitation to oppression, discrimination, danger or hardships. 

I’m no “Mbokodo”! 

Letter 2 of 23: Wishy Washy

Good morning 2023, 

To say that you began on a wishy washy note would be an understatement. I didn’t even know whether to say “happy new year” or “stop die lorrie”.

I felt like I blinked and December 2022 was over. The only evidence left of its festivity was the fatigue. Januworry was staring at me like its usual five months in one would be ten this year. I was also licking my wounds from not completing the 2022 epistolary as planned. 

My phone got damaged almost exactly a year ago and my world went upside down. I was not even on home soil when it happened. That smallanyana device had a lot on it. Contacts, memories, screenshots, notes…reminders, birthdays…did I mention screenshots? 

If you’re reading this and wondering why I didn’t back up stuff - I did. And somehow lost it all over again. Don’t ask how. Just pretend like we’re in a Man in Black movie and Will Smith just made you forget. Salt gets added to my wound each time someone asks. 

My point, 2023, is that I began your timeline at the backdrop of this loss. It took that phone to get damaged for me to notice it was like a limb. I literally went into an involuntary detox and the withdrawal was real. 

That experience made me realise just how unique “loss” is as an experience. That and just how unexpected, and also unwanted at times, clean slates are. 

Knowing everything I know - I needed that reset button. Did I want it? Definitely not like that. Would I have had a hibernation like I did if this hadn’t happened? Nope. Am I grateful? The politically correct answer would be: yes. The honest truth is that I’m learning to. Gratitude has many shades and we experience them differently over and over again…

Letter 7 - Cela nithi hooray

 Hello 2021,

They say we should celebrate all our wins. Even the small and those seemingly insignificant ones. It's Friyay and I'm choosing to say: yaaaas!

I come from a community that's big on celebrations. People come together to share your joy. They come bearing gifts, they ulilate, dance, feast and get merry. I'm no foreigner to the concept of celebrating. So let's get to it...

In recent years I've been on a "road to 10K" fitness journey. What a tricky thing. Guess what? I reached 10K on your timeline. It was everything I thought it would be...muscle aches and all. I was so happy though. Still am. The cherry on top was that I had a really meaningful women's day.

This is post 100 on the blog. Yaaaas. We've come this far. I say we because it took the courage of a community to get me here. I'm raising a glass for this win. Here's to all the typos, the punchlines that landed well and the space that Life and Her Lessons has been. Camagu!

The last wins are actually a collection of moments. Moments when I beat the alarm to it. Moments when I took less time to get ready. Moments when I was unapologetically kind to myself. How can I forget that moment when I stood on that scale and I had FINALLY gained weight?! 

One more thing, 2021, you've made me realise that I'm blessed to have a tribe that celebrates my wins as their own. A pack which knows that my joy isn't a threat to their delays or denials. Family who appreciate that these wins are the fruits of seeds sown in sacrifice and tears.

So with that being said 2021...ndicela uthi hooray!

Snakes and Ladders

 Haaaibo...Good morning! 

Yes, you should have read that exactly in that viral Tik Tok that's keeping us entertained on this side of the world 🤣.

I started a tradition with Thinking out loud. Top 7 followed suit last year. Snakes and Ladders is me sticking to a good thing. If you've read these pieces, you'll probably guess my age accurately. If you haven't, I suggest you do yourself a favour and read them before you go any further. Really? Yes. Trust me. It will be worth your while.

Today is the one before the big one fam. Today marks the beginning of the last lap before venturing deeper into Adulthoodville. Today is one of those moments which I would normally overlook. Much like those views I only notice after years because my focus has been elsewhere. I guess because of that, I'd like to reflect on things I feel like I've overlooked this past decade. 

As you know, these birthday posts are conversations I have with who I used to be, who I am and who I dream of becoming. 

Dear Linda, 

For you, Hope comes in the morning. Hope continues to show up on days when joy feels like a foreign concept. Hope has taught you that joy isn't the absence of trials, obstacles and missed deadlines. Hope comes in the morning and it holds the space when a lot of things don't make sense. Appreciate this more.

Don't forget that the commitment to praise God comes right before the declaration of how you are fearfully and wonderfully made. There are so many answers that come from praise. Honour this commitment. 

It isn't really that friends are few when days are dark. Friends are few, because they too are in the dark. Friends are keeping to themselves because their own loads are a little bit more heavier than they can carry. You can only hope that they know they can count on you to carry it with them. You hope, even more, that they forgive you on days when you can't show up for them. Don't lose sight of this. 

Be fair to father time. He does wait for man. He waits for women equally too. Yeep, he's not the discriminating type. Jonga, that guy is very inclusive to all of us. Let me make my point before I get sidetracked by all things patriarchy. Time does wait for us. We just always tend to think that we have more time. Now that's where it gets tricky. So make the most of each season you enter baby girl. Soak in the warmth of each joke, heart to heart and aha moment that you receive when you exchange energy with people. Why? Those tend to keep you warm when cycles come to an end. Accept this.

They mean well when they say that "Dynamites come in small packages" while encouraging you. You just don't see yourself as small anymore. I'm not saying that Imposter Syndrome doesn't show you flames from time to time. It does. You're just content with your size and it isn't small. Dynamites come in all packages. Even packages which still look for deals in the kids clothing section. Remember this.

As you enter into this chapter, chin up and tell that "things to do before" list that life is just like Snakes and Ladders. There are parts of you that are still haunted by those snakes which swallowed you and dragged you back. There are parts of you that are so grateful for the ladders that pulled you up when you least expected it. At the end of the day, you've never appreciated the gift of life as much as you do now. Forgive yourself for not being where you thought you were supposed to be. Trust the process of who you are becoming. Be unapologetic about this. 

Happy birthday to you kiddo!