Andikho right!

 I've been subjected to so many hours of loadshedding today that I don't have it in me to share how much. Loadshedding + power outage + Loadshedding + a whole lot of bs I can't get into right now.

To say that this isn't the post I was expecting to put up would be an understatement. I've tried to channel my inner khumbaya but I've come short. On a scale of one to Stage 10...I'm rolling in the dark.

I normally refrain from commenting on social matters in this country because I don't want to turn this space into a political venting outlet. Today I'm keeping quiet because I have nothing kind to share. Yer!

My cup is running low. I can't even see the cup...

I hope that all is well with you. I hope that love and light (yes, mind the pun) finds you and keeps you warm (yes, mind this pun too. It's the least I can offer)...

Then and Now

Hello fam,

Or should I say hello from the other side? Yes, that sounds about right.

Have you noticed how they package those before and after advertisements? How the before is dull and gloomy. Then after looks brighter. You're so caught up in the "wow" moment that you ignore the suspicious little birdie in your head. Turning a new age is much like this.

Firstly, thank you for being part of the countdown. All the celebrations were lit. Thank you for the well wishes. There was something more special about this year. Something that made me low key wish I'd turn this age again next year. Maybe now I understand why people remain 21 with x years of experience.

To be honest, this new year doesn't feel much different from the previous. I haven't marinated much into it but, still. Feels same old.  I've noticed a few changes. Minor ones. Nothing major but, almost everything is still the same. It may be too soon to tell but, just is.

I don't know about you guys but I'm at that "balls in the air" phase of the year. I've dodged enough blows, trying to stay in tune and I'm just holding my breath for the last quarter. I'm refusing to fully adult this month. I'm officially in denial of all those realities. August is a sacred month and it will remain so. We will try again in September.

In the meantime we hold on precious memories. We celebrate all wins, no matter how small, and we remain at peace that sometimes there isn't much difference between then and now...

To me

 It's that time of the year folks. Yi befday yam!

In the early chapters of my life this day wasn't complete without a cake, blowing out candles and festivities. Then somewhere along the line I just wished I could go somewhere on this day and just hide. In the most recent chapters, I've began a tradition of these birthday reflections and the countdowns leading up to them. This post continues that sacred tradition.

As you know, these reflections are conversations I have with who I was, who I am and who I'm working on being. Let's unlock Chapter 30...

Dear Linda,

To who you were
I'm so grateful to you for being such a dreamer. You did what you could with what you had.
No, 30 isn't old at all baby girl.
You have no idea what trauma, toxic or healing mean but someday you'll understand and that will change a lot.
Starting those dreadlocks was a good idea!
If I could, I'd tell you you take it a bit easy - it all works out...even when it doesn't....

To who you are
How and when did we get here?! I look at the mirror and I almost can't recognise you...you so grown! (Even though you still look 18)

Ereng weight gain in our lifetime? You will go down as the legend who appropriated weight. Different is okay.
This world definitely needs a little bit of crazy - don't stop contributing your fair share.
I'm proud of how you always move...(no, your dance moves are not implied lol)


To who  you will become
Homegirl, I'm hoping that you're health bunny.
I hope that you haven't lost our smile.
Never forget how far you've come.
Never lose your sense of wonder...

Happy birthday!  🥂

Pouring from cups

Good evening fam!

I greet you all in the name of #countdownto30! Yeep - we still at it.

Before I begin the reflection, the title is a shout out to everyone who survived those involuntary tea making chores back in the day. It's for you who managed to get a spot on your parent's roll call instead of your sibling. It's a tribute to all the times  you wished the guests preferred water or cold beverages and they didn't. To those who always forgot to warm the cups, I see you. Shout out to you who learnt how to walk steady holding that tray while all the eyes in the room were staring at you. Lastly, to all of us who survived, and are still surviving, those tea making days - standing ovations!

Jokes aside, let's spill some tea. This countdown journey to my new milestone had me thinking about a very hectic aspect of adulting. The part where you learn that you can't pour from an empty cup. What. A. Painful. Lesson. In hindsight, I think I've been wrestling with this concept of not pouring from an empty cup since my early 20s (let's have a moment of silence for my youth).

I think we try so hard to give so much to everything that we tend to lose focus when we're running low on giving to ourselves. We lose sight of the fact that we can't give what we ourselves don't have. We're always on a "pouring" streak that we hardly often notice when the cup is running low.

From where I'm standing, it seems like the 3rd floor has a magic formula for this cup business. People there approach it differently. It's either they have a no cups (read it in that word I can't type out) given policy or they just exude those I don't give a cup (yeep, same word) vibe.

As much as I sbwl (deeply desire) to also get there, I've established long ago that I won't. I'm the type that not only gives cups, I can't help but appreciate that they even exist. Yes, I'm a marshmallow. I'll take that.

So, I'm counting on forgiving myself for every time I poured to the point that I was almost left dehydrated. I'm hoping I look at all the cups I've dropped, and broke, with acceptance. I'm also counting on patience to be by my side as I continue to learn that I need my own cup to overflow before I can even pour out to others...