Ulala njani

Have you seen the ulala njani ungena x? (How do you sleep without having x?) trend making the rounds on social media? On my side of the world the question is normally followed by whatever life goal or status that you are aspiring towards. It moves from ulala njani ungena R50 000 in your bank account / any fancy gadget / degree. The list is endless. Bottom line though is how do you sleep without x?

My relationship with sleep is one that has transformed throughout the ages. When I was younger I used to dislike sleeping. I didn't get why they would even force us to take naps during the day. In an interesting turn of events, life has made me value sleep. I love sleep. I sleep for fun. I look forward to sleeping. Sleep is one of my favourite pass times. Sleep became even more precious after I was exposed to unfortunate things in life like insomnia. What a pain!

It's no hidden secret that these past few months have been a dribble. I find myself in an on and off hassle with ulala njani ungena x? For me, it has even extended to ublogger njani ungena x? (How do you blog without having x). One of the reasons why I've keeping low on these streets...sigh. 

Please count yourself fortunate if you haven't found yourself in this spot in life. I don't wish it upon you. I don't wish it upon my least favourite people. If you have been here or are currently here I guess you'll be familiar with what I'm about to say.

I think the ulala njani trend is one of those that start out as positive motivation but, just end up exuding toxic positivity vibes. In the end, you're not left motivated to accomplish x or attain dream x. Instead you're stripped of a very basic gesture of self love which you owe to yourself. Ulala njani is so pain inflicting. It leaves you numb and it shifts your focus from reasons why you even need to rest. I cringe every time I see it. I cringe especially during this Covid-19 pandemic which keeps on taking and taking...

On good days, life affords me the luxury to simply answer and say: hamonate jwang! (This is a Sotho slang phrase which can be loosely translated to perfectly fine!). On neutral days, I side with every instinct to fight against insomnia. On bad days, however, ulala njani tackles me until I'm a bit low on self-love and I give in to burning the midnight oil. Not out of motivation or drive. Simply out of toxic positivity...

A younger version of myself would easily wish for more good days than neutral or bad ones. Adulting has taught me that the formula to life is accepting that bad days will come. Adulting is actually a sum of bad days with a dash of good ones. Life is teaching me to locate happiness even on those bad days...

So when reality asks you ulala njani ungena x? May you locate the courage to hit back and say: hamonate jwang! 

Who do you tell?

Fam, remember when Tamia asked: who do you tell? I'll give you a few seconds to reminisce.

I'm a 90s kid who grew up with a lot of influences from the 80s. So this song takes me back to my cousin sister's music book.  Those were the days. Back when you had to master the timing of record, stop, rewind and play. That and trying to recall what you just heard. The epitome of responsibility during pass time. Gone are the days!

Who do you tell when adulting is too much? This past month has been showing me flames. I'm here in a crowded room filled with all things adulting. Yho. I've pinched myself enough to come to terms with the fact that I'm not dreaming. It is not a movie. Your girl Responsibility is being so feisty. Guys, adulting is a trap.

To be fair every year has that month, or months, when things just go left. When you lose your balance and things just get out of hand. That month when you see what they meant when they said that "die poppe sal dans". Die poppe dans! I'm watching them do everything from the waltz to the kwasa kwasa. Adulting is dribbling me so much that I'm not even sure which style it is anymore. I'm not sure if I'm on the Toosie slide or the  Zekethe side of things. Bottom line is that the dolls are dancing!

I look forward to a future when my present is but a distant past...

May

 A part of me feels like she blinked and it was already May. Where did March and April go?!

I don't know about you but this past month was just lit. Wait. 2021 nje has been lit. My "location"📍has just been rotating from one deadline to the next. In all this craziness, it's been quite tricky navigating self love while breathing through the wound of adulting. I've had this conversation with a few people and it seems like we're all going through the most...in one way or another.

Something came to mind while I was making a mental note of how this month is looking in terms of deadlines and "adulting" duties. I started thinking about May as a standalone word. How it expresses possibilities and how we use the word when we are hoping for something.

Dear reader,
May this new month bring you new possibilities to start over,
May you be open to the idea of being kinder to yourself,
May you hold on to moments which make you smile or laugh effortlessly,
May you be surrounded by gentle reminders that you are not alone,
May you repossess the power to self define,
May you forgive yourself,
May you heal from things you can't talk about,
May you extend warmth when you can,
May you be okay with Plan A,B or C not working out,
May you be present...

If all else fails, may you locate the bravery to pull a "stomach in, chest out" and just show up...

I come back: Lent 2021 Reflection

 Hellooooo. I come baaaaaccck!

Me, I'm Linda. This blog post is about how Lent 2021 showed me "Oarabile!".

If you're from my corner of the world, I hope this introduction gives you the comfort of humour that it gave me. If you're not, and you have no idea what I'm one about...helloooo again 😂. Jokes aside, this line has been made legendary by a young vlogger whose earnest description of his brother broke the internet. Check it out on social media!

Lent 2021 was "lenty". It came with all the unpleasant things that come with the season. It was emotionally challenging. The 40 days felt like an eternity. It wasn't as hectic as Lent 2020 though. No. On a scale of 1 - Adele, I'd rate it a medium Burning in the deep though. As draining as it was, I believe that it has left me as a better version of myself. A better, tired and a bit more tired version. I can't exactly quantify this so, in #lifeandherlessons style, I'll just reflect on the lessons I've learnt during this time of fasting, prayer and alms giving.

I was fortunate enough to attend church on Ash Wednesday. Truly appreciate this opportunity. I've missed church. One of the things that Covid-19 has taken away from me is the way I like to worship. It hit me this past Lent just how much I miss fellowship. I'm looking forward to finding a parish nearby to call home.

This Lent, I dedicated my fasting to my healing journey. The goal was to abandon comfort zones and taking time out to confront truths I've been running away from. This was a tough one bazalwane. I saw "Oarabile"! Like I said, burning in the deep! What I can say is, I tried. I took baby steps and giant leaps. My system wasn't ready for certain steps so, I just drew circles in some instances. I guess I was reminded that it's a process. On a light note: my Instagram account is up and running. Yes, it's public. Told you I'm leaving comfort zones! I also activated a YouTube account for the blog. Yes, I've officially joined the "Welcome to my YouTube channel" gang! Can I get a "please like, comment, subscribe and share"?! 🤞😂✊

I've never been an advocate of publicising alms giving. I won't start now. My right hand has no business knowing what my left hand has done.
As much as I've missed our engagements, I still think that Lent isn't the best of times to blog. It's an emotional rollercoaster and some thoughts are just too much.

I took a journey on Bible App with my friends that was put together by Tear Fund. The plan, titled Lent 2021: A story to live by, was such a plug. What a life changing experience! My biggest take home lesson from the experience is that I'm enough. I've got so much to unlearn to remember this but, I'm enough. I'm enough and that's all that matters.

How was your Lent? I hope that you, your families and loved ones had a blessed one.

Like I said, I come back! To my supportive readers, I've missed you. To my new visitors, welcome. I'm looking forward to sharing my journey with you...