Pouring from cups

Good evening fam!

I greet you all in the name of #countdownto30! Yeep - we still at it.

Before I begin the reflection, the title is a shout out to everyone who survived those involuntary tea making chores back in the day. It's for you who managed to get a spot on your parent's roll call instead of your sibling. It's a tribute to all the times  you wished the guests preferred water or cold beverages and they didn't. To those who always forgot to warm the cups, I see you. Shout out to you who learnt how to walk steady holding that tray while all the eyes in the room were staring at you. Lastly, to all of us who survived, and are still surviving, those tea making days - standing ovations!

Jokes aside, let's spill some tea. This countdown journey to my new milestone had me thinking about a very hectic aspect of adulting. The part where you learn that you can't pour from an empty cup. What. A. Painful. Lesson. In hindsight, I think I've been wrestling with this concept of not pouring from an empty cup since my early 20s (let's have a moment of silence for my youth).

I think we try so hard to give so much to everything that we tend to lose focus when we're running low on giving to ourselves. We lose sight of the fact that we can't give what we ourselves don't have. We're always on a "pouring" streak that we hardly often notice when the cup is running low.

From where I'm standing, it seems like the 3rd floor has a magic formula for this cup business. People there approach it differently. It's either they have a no cups (read it in that word I can't type out) given policy or they just exude those I don't give a cup (yeep, same word) vibe.

As much as I sbwl (deeply desire) to also get there, I've established long ago that I won't. I'm the type that not only gives cups, I can't help but appreciate that they even exist. Yes, I'm a marshmallow. I'll take that.

So, I'm counting on forgiving myself for every time I poured to the point that I was almost left dehydrated. I'm hoping I look at all the cups I've dropped, and broke, with acceptance. I'm also counting on patience to be by my side as I continue to learn that I need my own cup to overflow before I can even pour out to others...

Asikho lapho

Hello fam!

Asikho lapho is an isiXhosa phrase which can be directly translated to "we're not there". It holds multiple meanings. In popular culture the phrase is used divert a conversation after shots have been fired. Asikho lapho can also have a literal and figurative meaning. I picked it as the title for today's reflection because it holds true to my current reality.

We're halfway into 2022 and the ride is crazy. Crazy, blurry and just hectic. Is it over already? Do I throw in the towel and start again next year? Should I rearrange the goalposts? Why do the themes feel like a trap each year?! I'd go on and on but, asikho lapho.

Am I the only one who is over winter? This winter came way too early and it seems like Homegirl is far from being done with us. I thought my weight gain would be enough. I fell a few kilos short. Better luck next year, right? Another reminder that andikho lapho.

I'm also a few hours shy of being 30 days away from reaching  the 30 years milestone. So firstly, yes, andikho lapho. I'm not there...yet. I'm about to enter one of the most nerve wrecking countdowns of adulthood. I'm not ready guys. I knew it was tickets after 25. Don't get me wrong but, the permanence that comes with this number is just traumatic. It feels like I'm heading towards permanent adulthood - yhuuuu! This post alone won't be able to unpack all the myths and untruths I need to unlearn about turning 30. I'll go easy on myself with that one. I just need to accept that andikho lapho.

Life is teaching me that Asikho lapho season sucks. It has a funny way of undermining progress, baby steps and our ambitions. It feels like when you're waiting to hear "your destination is on the right" after endless round abouts, only for you to hear "turn left" - yerr. It's so deceptive! That and so many other unpleasant adjectives. I'd go on and on but, andikho lapho...