May the faith be with you

 Hello family, 

It’s been a while is said so much on this blog that it’s slowly becoming our tagline. It’s been a while, nonetheless, and I hope that you’ve been keeping well. 

The #lettersto series gets so busy in December that I’m “blogged out” when the new year ushers in. Then just as I am trying to keep my ducks in the row, I get the occasional “what ducks?” from life question that I end up keeping away from sharing. Then, naturally, I’ll blink and it’s already May. Whaaaaaaat?! 

Before I continue, shout to all the Star Wars fans. You saw what I did with the title? lol. Hey, it was one of a few options which could work today. 

You know how they taught us that there are four seasons back in school? Adulting has introduced me to a fifth - grief. This one is one of a kind. Doesn’t have a set time during the course of the year. No. It just pops up as it pleases. You see it during Spring’s blossoms - when the memories are good and have colour. You feel it during Summer - when memories are comforting. You dare not miss it during Autumn - when, just like the leaves, things fall apart and you see the gaps. Grief lives her best days during winter - when it is cold and leaves you seeking warmth.   

May tends to be a month when this season visits me the most. Some years are better than others. It seems like 2024, however, is set at “tjo”. 

If you’ve gone through grief, you have the appreciation of just how isolating it is. Always the elephant in the room that nobody knows how to handle. Don’t want to bring it up because you don’t know how the next person is doing on their healing journey. Does it feel like yesterday? Are you still in shock? Are you in your temporary “I’ve made peace” phase? Would you rather sit and enjoy travelling down memory lane with people who can relate? Do you prefer people to just leave you alone? See? It’s so tricky. 

Hello, grief my friend. It’s never a pleasure but this year I’m also inviting faith to our chat. As I sit with you, I will be welcoming of your presence. I’ll work on being kind to parts of my journey which don’t know healing. I will not rob myself from embracing the discomfort of the reflections. 

To those who can’t relate to you as a season, the universe grant you more by keeping this experience at bay. To every person who is going through this season, may the faith be with you…

Letter 23 of 23: 365 of 365

 Dear 2023, 

I hope this finds you well and ready to sign out.

A lot has been said. There’s a whole lot more that could be added but, I feel like that would be spoiling it. 

I’d like to continue the tradition of giving flowers today. If I could, I’d copy and paste last year’s last letter here and then let it be. Pity. I can’t. 

I’d like to give flowers to everyone who fought silent wars this year. Everyone who felt like they were chasing their tails. Flowers to those whose year it wasn’t but kept on going. Flowers to those who got hurt. Flowers also for those whose plans didn’t work out. I’d like to give flowers to everyone who wishes they were with loved ones but death robbed them of that. Flowers to everyone who woke up and showed up on days when they felt like they couldn’t. 

I’d also like to share flowers with those who are always there to share their joy, love and support. You guys deserve an entire nursery. 

I’d also like to give a flower to life and thank her for her lessons.

Floral Regards

Linda 

Letter 22 of 23: Psalm 90:17

 Hey 2023,

We’re almost at the end of our conversation.  Can you believe it?!  Psalm 90:17 was my spiritual anchor for the year. What a theme! 

Talk about God knowing exactly what you will need and going before you. 

We pray the Lord’s Prayer almost every single day. “Your will be done” sometimes escapes our lips without us even being conscious of what we’re saying. Fam, I say we because it sounds politically correct. If you can’t relate l, please share notes with your girl as to how you get it right. 

I noticed this year that I needed to make it a habit to turn to God and pray for His approval before I do things. 

II truly appreciate every single opportunity I got this year - to love, to live, to be creative and to be supportive. I’m grateful for the opportunity I got to join the league, to pray for certain situations with others…to just bask in the humility of knowing that God’s approval matters…

Thank you for this lesson, 2023! 

Letter 21 of 23: Things I can’t change

Good day 2023,

Yeah no. You’re not disappointing. Today is really going by quickly. 

Let’s reflect on one of my themes for this year: things I can’t change. I borrowed a line from the serenity prayer. Yho! If I rock up with a theme like “go with the flow” next year, blame it on this theme. 

It showed me flames fam. We’re almost done with this year and it’s still on full blast. Awe ma! This theme hit me so hard I’ve started to even doubt if I know the meaning of the word “accept”. 

I have a list of things that I can’t change. An entire list. At the surface they seem to be “changeable”. When you zoom in, there are just layers upon layers of complexity. I struggled (read I’m struggling) with this theme. No lies! 

What’s weird about “things you can’t change” is how everyone else seems to have quick fixes. Quick fixes that don’t suite you. No matter how hard you try, you can’t relate to them or make them fit. I mean you tuck in your tummy and go around for a while. Forbid you chuckle or even have one good meal…you’re back to feeling squeezed and suffocated. Then you end up realising it’s things “I” can’t change and not things “we” can’t change. 

This theme has been so complex. I’ve been wrestling with it the whole year and my conclusion is…I don’t have to forcibly accept the things I can’t change. I have the right to be annoyed, and frustrated for as long as I should. I have the responsibility, however, to ensure I don’t become toxic to the other parts of me that need me whole…