Dear 2018,
Today I bid you farewell.
On the last day of each year, my mind always plays mind tricks on me. The “this year, next year and last year” confusion when referencing events begins to kick in hard. I don’t think that your day 365 will any different.
As a child, the thought of a “time jump” fascinated me. One of my neighbours sparked this. “Can one eat food last year and finish it next year?” I actually thought about this the first time I heard it. “Yes, I had my food last night and finished it this morning,” he said with a smirk. We cracked so hard and made him repeat it over and over. I tried it on my mother and she said yes immediately. I cracked.
In recent years, I’ve been rather pessimistic about the last day of the year hype. Maybe pessimistic is a strong word. Let me say, I’m not moved. Why do we get so excited as if we will go on a time break? Yes, I get the fact that we’re starting over but it’s really just a continuation. I’m opening a door to another cycle. I’m getting onto another treadmill. I’m entering an unknown territory…Recently, a friend and I were even wondering why it’s “Happy New year”.
So, on your last day, I refused to be caught up in this hype of treating you as if you’re already gone. No. I’ll be present until your very last hour. You deserve that much respect, right?
They say that goodbye is one of the hardest phrases to say. They are right. I’ve had to say a couple of those this year. I’ve fortunately skipped some. They happened telephonically. Then there were others that I’ve had to sit through. I reminisced on the good time, made sure there was comfort food around and I wished them well. What is great about goodbye is the deep appreciation of hello, the blessing of having been touched by a soul and the awesome memories which you will carry forever. I guess this is why we get so angry when we don’t get to say goodbye to our loved ones before they die. We feel robbed of the opportunity to express this. In Africa, we say that “I am because you are”. This is true. Each and every person's personality and being is made up of encounters and interactions.
2018, today I’ll sleep, wake up and you will be no more. I’m saying goodbye. I won’t miss you. There’s no reason for me to miss you. I’ll carry your scars and treasure your memories like a long lost friend that I’ll never see again. Thank you for each and every moment.
Oh, and 2018, above it all…thank you for life and her lessons.
Farewell!
Linda
Dear 2018,
Remember all the times when I was tired?
There’s a popular video of EFF leader, Julius Malema, in South Africa which gets used a lot on social media. In the video, Malema is heard saying that “…they are just in it for it. They are tired shame. They don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. They left everything in God’s hands”. I don’t think I remember who he was referring to but, I have been “them” so many times this year.
What can I compare this phenomenon to? One of my favourite things to do growing up was getting inside a jumping castle. I loved the idea of bouncing up and down. There were a few glitches to this. I lost balance when there were many of us inside. I would be jumping only to fall because someone had just jumped and I would bounce off. Or, I would have just touched down with my feet to catch my breath and someone would knock me off while making their “big” jump. I would either fall and bounce or just allow stand there and wait for balance. I fell a lot but I enjoyed jumping castles and trampolines. I still do lol.
When I pass jumping castles these days, every now and then, I watch this phenomenon unfold and reminisce on my days when I would be defeated lol. I laugh at my younger self and I always wonder if the child going through the very same thing has any idea of what life is teaching them. Through this, 2018, I’ve learnt that one will not always have balance. Even when they are doing the things they love the most.
2018, I welcomed you with Proverbs 3. Little did I know back then that I wouldn’t need to lean on my own understanding. No. Your challenges were of a different brew. Malema is right. I left everything in God’s hands.
My relationship with God has sustained me so much this year.
A song by Khaya Mthethwa and Oasis Worship, Mkhulumsebenzi, which captures this very well. There were so many times this year when I was so caught up in completing chapters, meeting deadlines, preparing for classes and so on that I wasn’t aware that God is sustaining me. His grace, love and mercy had been doing something greater than that. They had been providing the wind beneath my wings and they were allowing me to be.
This isn’t a lesson unique to you, 2018. I am marvelled by God year in and year out. What makes you stand out is that I think I’ve been on autopilot for the longest time ever during your days. I can’t believe that I’m on day 364. Yhu!
Today, I’m thinking about all those nights when I went to bed wishing I had a magic wand. You know why? Because I woke up to live the reality that grace is renewed every morning. There were days too when I woke up with the joy I had the previous evening. When the bounce of joy in my heart remained untouched.
Another interesting aspect which I got to encounter this year is the concept of Isaiah 60:22. 2018, we live in a world of social media which also sometimes sells us the illusion that our dreams will come at the same time as burger orders at our favourite fast food joints. We look into the gardens of our friends, with perfect likes, and think that the grass is greener on the other side. We break at the face of adversity, become impatient and forget that our paths are different. I hope that nobody looks at my life and thinks “perfect”.
2018, to date, there has been no year which has schooled me about timing the way that you did. Thank you…
Dear 2018,
I lost track of time today. You’re no stranger to this phenomenon, right?
I’ve had such a strange relationship with time during the past 363 days. There have been days which felt like half days, there have been days which felt like I had been through two days in one and there have been days like today where I blinked and time had flown by…
At the back of my mind, I think time moves constantly regardless of what we are going through. In my heart, though, I feel like the good days are shorter. I feel like the weird days are just confusing. The bad days just feel like I’m starring in a horror movie and I don’t get to wake up.
You’ve dished out another choke slam since we last spoke. Just when I thought you were at your best behaviour! Boy, was I wrong. Congratulations, you’ve earned your place in the “toughest year’s competition”.
There are many reasons why I lost track of time this year. There were times when I wrestled with my sleep when my body acted up as if I didn’t feed it vegetables when I was busy multi-tasking and cases where I feel like the time thief came and snatched the hours of the day lol.
2018, you haven’t only managed to make me think of a time in the form of hours. This year, I’ve had to think about my age as well. Firstly, I can’t believe that when I was growing up I had the idea that someone my age was old. Being this age was one of the ultimate dreams. Maybe a year older, actually. My younger sister and I used to refer to home as “Robbies”. This was short Robben Island. Anyone who is familiar with the history of our country will relate to our dry humour. We called it that way because we thought it resembled the entire system and we were prisoners. At a certain age, we would have served our time, as our favourite struggle heroes, and be free.
I’ve had to think about my age this year because there were times when I had to pinch myself after I had to share it. Like, what?! Where have the years gone by? I was just planning my 21st a year ago. It wasn’t long when I ticked joyfully next to “early twenties” on forms. How do years roll by as if they are just weeks?
Then, on the other hand, I get to spend time with people who are older and wiser than me. Of course, you know how they are. Always assuring me that I am actually quite young and that there is still time to rethink my decisions wisely. That and “take your time”. Hearing this for the first time didn’t settle my ageing anxiety lol. After a while, however, the conversations simmer and I see the light.
Today I’m grateful for the wisdom of my mentors.
I’m grateful for each and every reminder that I need to get back on track, that I need to rework on something, that buying a proper bed is one of the most important transactions I’ll ever make, how I need to work on my writing…how I need to get out of my comfort zone.
Above all, I’m grateful to time for being constant. This reminds me all the time that I am in charge of how I relate to it. I have the power to hold onto joy much longer than I go grief…
Heita 2018!
It’s your last Friyay! YAY!
Today I’m reflecting on the music which moved and inspired me this year. Below are songs I’ve listened to over and over. They carry so many precious memories of my experiences with you 2018. They’ve played at weddings, during chill sessions with friends and they’ve dominated the airwaves of my heartstrings!
Music is one of life’s magical gifts to us. Not only do the lyrics entertain you but they also carry so much emotional weight.
10. Mafikizolo – Love Potion
9. DJ Ganyani ft. Nomcebo – Emazulwini
8. Master KG ft. – Skeleton Move
7. Abathandwa – Umoya wami uyavuma
6. Mlindo The Vocalist ft Sjava – Egoli
5. NaakMusiq ft. Bucie - Ntombi
4. Vusi Nova – As’phelelanga
3. DJ Sumbody & others – Monate Mpolaye
2. Prince Kaybee ft. Busiswa – Banomoya
1. King Monada – Malwedhe
2018, you know the tons of stories behind these jams. I’ve turned a blind eye to my lack of rhythm when these songs came on. I’ve flexed my best vosho, head vosho and Thuso Phala dance moves. You name it! To everyone who knows me, yes…most of this happens while I’m all alone. Lol. To everyone who doesn’t, let’s all pretend like I’m the slickest dancer you know lol.
Friyay mood aside, these tracks are art pieces. To say the least. They’ve d
I don’t know which song will take song will take the song of the year. My guess is that various radio stations will make their unique selections. This whole song of the year confusion is an interesting thing for me. Back in the day, everyone knew that Brenda Fassie would take it. Now, it’s fair game. The trophy floats around for people who have different music taste buds.
For me, King Monada takes it for so many reasons. Malwedhe, for me, is to the South African music scene what Black Panther was to Marvel and what Crazy Rich Indians was to Hollywood. It is more than just hype after a few videos went viral. It’s more than just representation or an entire country moving in one motion. The success of this song, for me, represents a player’s presence being acknowledged by other players inside the room.
As you know, 2018, this speaks to so many things.
During you, I’ve witnessed the rise of so many incredible works of musicians, poets, authors and activists. I’ve seen peers, elders and even young people step up and shake the status quo. This year, there have been so many instances where it was as if I was standing in a garden and I had the opportunity to watch flowers bloom first hand. Flowers blossom and butterflies spread their wings for the first time. I’ve seen women stand up to patriarchy and toxic femininity, I’ve seen people grow into themselves and become unapologetic about who they were. I’ve seen rape survivors reclaim their power, I’ve seen depression and mental health awareness rise and I’ve seen brave people go for their dreams.
Today as I remember and reflect on all this I’m jamming to the playlist, and many more, to bid you farewell on your last Friday…
