Letter 7/20

 Hola 2020! 

Can't believe that our conversation is already at the 7th letter. Time flies ne!

The number 7 has always signified perfection or all things good in my life. I guess for me it's been about the seven gifts of the holy spirit. How one of my favourite Kwaito artists is attached to the number. How cool the name sounds in my mother tongue, isiXhosa. There was also a hang out spot back home where everyone would go to and the unofficial yet popular name was Kwa 7. Yes, everyone except for those of us who lived in Robben Island. Boy, did I envy those free souls who were allowed to go! 7 also holds a special significance in one of my close friendship circles. The Top 7 entry for my birthday might have been inspired by my love for this number. So I think you get it that the number is just one of those things I've attached symbolism to.

Okay wait. One more attachment to the number. 2020, do you know why 6 is afraid of 7? Lol. One of the funniest jokes you'll ever hear! 😂

From all the seven days of the week, Friday happens to be my favourite. I love FriYays! Sundays being my second favourite. There's just something about Friday man. So the 7th letter landing on a Friday is no coincidence. As Elsa Majimbo would put it: "It is NOT a mistake! It is NOT".

While seven signifies perfection, 2020, your experiences and adventures have reemphasized the lesson that perfection is an illusion. At the end of the day, we measure our experiences by how much self kindness we have in our cups and gratitude for opportunities. Gratitude for those opportunities that we are granted. Gratitude for those opportunities that we miss. I think this is one of those constant reminders that ground one in this adulting gig.

Not all my Fridays were joyous this year. Some didn't even feel like Friday. I've had to put out fires on some, go the extra mile to locate the yay to my Friyay and just wish we could skip to Saturday already on some. I think I've slept through some of them too. A few years ago this would have weighed me down. Not this version of me. I'm grateful for the rain, 2020.

Today has been one of the best Friyays. I stayed in bed longer. Meditation left me lighter. I've enjoyed the company of loved ones. I busted a move or two to some music. The holiday season has finally kicked in and the days are starting to feel the same but...TGIF! 

Letter 6/20

 Dear 2020

There's a meme that I've once seen where someone was saying that we shouldn't forget to give credit after hating. So 2020, even if you've been the crapiest, you've dished out some wins shame. 

One of my favourite wins was being featured in the inaugural compilation titled “Women’s Words: Experiences and Realities”. The project, put together by The African Dialogue, collected voices from women across Africa. It was such an exciting project. Bylines don't just come by these days. I'm no longer working as a journalist and it's been a dry season there by academia. When you get the time, send prayers family. Those streets are rough!

I didn't know about the organisation at all. I was plugged by someone. It wasn't the first time that the someone in particular plugged me. I met him at a conference before joining university. He plugged me to join a student association. I did. Even went on to become a national executive member. He was amongst the tribe supporting me. After alerting me that I've made publication he told me how he knew I was perfect for it. Then it dawned on me: "I am because you" isn't some lame proverb that our people hold dear. It gives life to so many things.

2020, even in the midst of your crappy experiences you've brought amazing moments. You've reminded me to value the importance of supporting others and walking their journeys with them. You've made me aware that showing up when days are grey makes the rainbows of celebration look brighter. You've made me grateful for my tribe which remains in my corner even on days when I don't feel like showing up. You've reminded me just how much I am because they are. Camagu!

Read my piece and lots more amazing others from the compilation here.

Letter 5/20

 Dear 2020,

It's Reconciliation day in South Africa. This public holiday holds so many contradictions in my country. I prefer to stay away from politics of it all and do my own thing. I started a personal tradition when I began the reflective letters back in 2018. On this day, I decided to head to Reconciliationville.

There's always a section in town or part of a neighbourhood that you avoid. I know I still avoid areas where I'll be subjected to call calls or crowds or unnecessary drama. Reconciliationville is filled with those. Today I'd like to reflect on some of those "no go" zones that you've taken me to 2020. 

So I'm not very big on confrontation. Emotional drama drains me and makes me so uncomfortable that I avoid it. My empath radar helps with this most times. Not this year. I've gotten into so many tiffs and disagreements this year on the personal front. Each incident unique. I guess most of them had been building up for years and it was just time for the explosions. It poured.

Reflecting on each case has been interesting. I'm seeing that I'm not as patient as I thought. I appreciate the honesty of the engagements. I'm chilled with the apologies that won't come or weren't authentic. I've got traumas of my own that still need more work. Some conflicts were necessary for me to leave comfort zones. There were times when my ego needed more nursing than my need for peace.

I guess I've got two highlights from all the dramas. Firstly, there are African adults who know how to say that they are sorry. They don't disregard your views based on when you were born and they validate your differences. Bless them. I can only speak for Africa when I say that they are a rare species. Secondly, we need to put less focus on who was wrong and who was right after conflicts and focus more on sharing perspectives. There are so many peaceful revelations that come from that.

I've also learnt to accept that there are things I'll never reconcile with - the triggers of death and just other things that stay bottled up in my chest.

I hope I form part of a generation that apologises to those younger. I hope I let go of the linear notion of villains and heroes. I hope that I realise that the greatest reconciliation is the one I make with my inner self. 2020, I will forever be grateful for this lesson...

Letter 4/20

 What's good 2020?

So the family meeting happened yesterday. It went as expected. Number 1 didn't have many surprises. Every family has favourite uncles and aunties. Ours is no different. There are those family members who you don't touch. Every family has rebellious cousins, uncles and aunties. Those ones are just like people who ignore pavements and create their own pathways. Let's just say I'm still crossing fingers for grace to see us through all this. 

Time has been so strange this year. On the one hand I feel like I've gone through three years in one. On the other hand I can't believe that the year is almost over.

Despite struggling with it at first, I think this year I've mastered the art of just letting some days go. Giving in to the Netflix and chill culture, keeping busy with things that don't require much physical or emotional commitment and just allowing time to pass by. There were times when I wasn't even sure which day of the week it was because days felt the same. Getting into this was so frustrating at first because I like routine but I think it was for the best. I'm not as exhausted as I was this time last year.

I lost track of time today. This is something that would have low key freaked me out. It didn't. I've come to realisation that sometimes losing track of the world is important so that we can be in touch with our inner selves. We get so fixated with time, to-do lists and deadlines that we can't even identify how we're feeling.

I feel relaxed. I feel anxious about the spike in cases. I also feel thankful for the gift of life. Above all else, I'm at peace with feeling different things all at the same time. Thank you for days such as today 2020...