May

 A part of me feels like she blinked and it was already May. Where did March and April go?!

I don't know about you but this past month was just lit. Wait. 2021 nje has been lit. My "location"📍has just been rotating from one deadline to the next. In all this craziness, it's been quite tricky navigating self love while breathing through the wound of adulting. I've had this conversation with a few people and it seems like we're all going through the most...in one way or another.

Something came to mind while I was making a mental note of how this month is looking in terms of deadlines and "adulting" duties. I started thinking about May as a standalone word. How it expresses possibilities and how we use the word when we are hoping for something.

Dear reader,
May this new month bring you new possibilities to start over,
May you be open to the idea of being kinder to yourself,
May you hold on to moments which make you smile or laugh effortlessly,
May you be surrounded by gentle reminders that you are not alone,
May you repossess the power to self define,
May you forgive yourself,
May you heal from things you can't talk about,
May you extend warmth when you can,
May you be okay with Plan A,B or C not working out,
May you be present...

If all else fails, may you locate the bravery to pull a "stomach in, chest out" and just show up...

I come back: Lent 2021 Reflection

 Hellooooo. I come baaaaaccck!

Me, I'm Linda. This blog post is about how Lent 2021 showed me "Oarabile!".

If you're from my corner of the world, I hope this introduction gives you the comfort of humour that it gave me. If you're not, and you have no idea what I'm one about...helloooo again 😂. Jokes aside, this line has been made legendary by a young vlogger whose earnest description of his brother broke the internet. Check it out on social media!

Lent 2021 was "lenty". It came with all the unpleasant things that come with the season. It was emotionally challenging. The 40 days felt like an eternity. It wasn't as hectic as Lent 2020 though. No. On a scale of 1 - Adele, I'd rate it a medium Burning in the deep though. As draining as it was, I believe that it has left me as a better version of myself. A better, tired and a bit more tired version. I can't exactly quantify this so, in #lifeandherlessons style, I'll just reflect on the lessons I've learnt during this time of fasting, prayer and alms giving.

I was fortunate enough to attend church on Ash Wednesday. Truly appreciate this opportunity. I've missed church. One of the things that Covid-19 has taken away from me is the way I like to worship. It hit me this past Lent just how much I miss fellowship. I'm looking forward to finding a parish nearby to call home.

This Lent, I dedicated my fasting to my healing journey. The goal was to abandon comfort zones and taking time out to confront truths I've been running away from. This was a tough one bazalwane. I saw "Oarabile"! Like I said, burning in the deep! What I can say is, I tried. I took baby steps and giant leaps. My system wasn't ready for certain steps so, I just drew circles in some instances. I guess I was reminded that it's a process. On a light note: my Instagram account is up and running. Yes, it's public. Told you I'm leaving comfort zones! I also activated a YouTube account for the blog. Yes, I've officially joined the "Welcome to my YouTube channel" gang! Can I get a "please like, comment, subscribe and share"?! 🤞😂✊

I've never been an advocate of publicising alms giving. I won't start now. My right hand has no business knowing what my left hand has done.
As much as I've missed our engagements, I still think that Lent isn't the best of times to blog. It's an emotional rollercoaster and some thoughts are just too much.

I took a journey on Bible App with my friends that was put together by Tear Fund. The plan, titled Lent 2021: A story to live by, was such a plug. What a life changing experience! My biggest take home lesson from the experience is that I'm enough. I've got so much to unlearn to remember this but, I'm enough. I'm enough and that's all that matters.

How was your Lent? I hope that you, your families and loved ones had a blessed one.

Like I said, I come back! To my supportive readers, I've missed you. To my new visitors, welcome. I'm looking forward to sharing my journey with you...

Fabreworry

 Januworry was Januworry like all her sisters before her. She felt like the entire year. One of the downsides has been dealing with multiple choke slams and triggers of death. There's been so much grief around me. There was a point when I was hesitant to scroll down the timeline because of seeing 💔🕯🕊.

We're in Fabreworry and the girl has a character of her own. I'm feeling fabulous for surviving January. I feel like the year has officially started. Navigating the brewery of emotions that come with chasing dreams and taking on new adventures. Worried, also. For the part of me that's missing her late Dadobawo (paternal aunt) more than ever. The fourth anniversary of her passing will be during Lent. One of her favourite seasons.

l've recently realised that I went into a long phase of denial after she passed on. One that's come in drips and drabs. I think "being tough" didn't do me any justice. I miss so many things about her. I miss the sound of her voice when it was calm and when it had caught me being mischievous. I miss her affirming energy. I miss how she couldn't stand the sound of whistles. I miss her unique ability to tell stories. I miss how she loved her soapies and how she'd get so caught up in the story lines. I miss her baked bread and her fondness for our culture.

I recently listened to Luther's Dance with my father. It hit me how many times I had the urge to tell her something. Tell her how her prayers over our lives outlived her. Tell her how much I dislike adulting. Tell her I'm thankful she validated my dreams and treasured them more than I did at some point. Tell her that, in a twisted turn of events, I'm also a regular tea drinker now. Tell her, once more, that she added colour to my childhood. The list is endless...

Above it all, I'm just grateful for her love and how it STILL keeps me warm.

Lent begins tomorrow. My system is already pulling stunts. I'm already having weird cravings. I keep worrying that tomorrow will come and I'll forget, like I almost do, which day it is. I'm haunted by ghosts of Ash Wednesday past!

I've made peace with not fasting from food. That ship has sailed fam. I think this year I'll focus on the emotional things I can give up, working on my prayer game and sharing.

I'll see you on the other side of Lent. Have a blessed one!

Letter 21/20

 Hello family, 

Yes, you read the heading correctly. No, you haven't missed out on much. What is this? A little something extra.

I heard a joke that closure isn't easy to come by. Apparently it can only be found in weaves. It took a while for me to get it. One of the downsides of keeping the same hairstyle for a decade is that you miss out on being current. Closure is very scarce! That girl is really hard to come by. Letter 21/20 is my attempt at "closure" after the #LettersTo2020 epistolary.

I'm surprised every time I visit the stats. The readership has really grown and that warms my heart. The circle is bigger. I'm so grateful for each and every one of you who have taken time out to join me on the reflective journey.

Thank you for adding colour to my healing journey. Thank you for the conversations after each letter. Thank you for picking my brain. 

Thank you for cracking me up. 

Thank you for sharing your personal stories with me. 

Thank you for reminding me, in more ways than one, that self kindness is a verb. 

As usual, I'm promising that I won't be a stranger on here. I'll try my best to keep writing and sharing the journey. I think I should have more conversations with friends. Maybe we'll do an Insta or Facebook live one of these days where we dig into the themes. What do you say? Let me know! 

Picking themes for this year wasn't easy. I've been back and forth. After much deliberation, my themes for 2021 are Will, "Stomach in..." and Psalm 143:8. I have a feeling that 2021 is going to be a bit trickier than 2020. The themes are a combination of "buckling up" and just letting things be.

The Will story is a very hilarious one. It is not the famous actor and also not what people leave behind when they die. My theme isn't even the expression of the inevitable. No. It's rather a combination of "laughing at will" and "where there is a will, there's a way". This is a dedication to my hopes and dreams...crossing fingers!

If you completed the "stomach in, chest out" phrase when you read it the first time then you're a G! In my hood that was one of the mantras that groomed little girls and young women. I guess this year I'd like to explore this double edged sword that raised us. Be kind 2021!

My scripture anchor is Psalm 143:8. A personal prayer that I have. Something that I do not always do. A guidance I need to sustain me.

I wish you all a blessed 2021. I wish you good health, courage to reach out for your dreams, strength to confront bad days and bravery to let go of everything that no longer serves your personal truths...

Happy New Year!