It's been a while. Do I need to perform the usual act of contrition after being MIA or do you already understand? It's been so lit.
Does anyone remember the advert that had the "I would walk 5000 miles and I would walk 500 more" as a theme song? It's at the back of my brain somewhere. Like so many other things these days. I don't know if it's one of those side effects of adulting or if it's just fatigue. I can't even remember what was being advertised. I just remember singing along to it back in the day. Why this song? We are on day 265 of 365. Yeeep. 2021 only has 100 days left...
I. Am. Tired. My moeg se moeg is moeg (very loosely translated to the tired of my tired is tired). That's the standard answer I give these days. I've given it so many times and yet I still feel like I haven't covered the depth of the fatigue. This year has been such an exhausting one for me. It has been exhausting in all aspects.
You know how the first 100 days of a year are all exciting? Well, the newness of it all. How one is still amped up by the themes. Things take such a detour after that. Then they spiral and spiral and spiral. Before you know it, you're on day 265. Then you have 100 more days and then the year is over. I'm not Deborah Cox but I promise you I'm on some how did you here tip. Yhu.
This is the worst season for the self love journey. I find myself being so unkind to myself lately. My reflections aren't about how far I've come or what I've managed to accomplish. No. I'm being pulled towards how many hit and misses I've had. I'm thinking about projects I've abandoned, had to put on hold or are struggling with. That and just life serving lemons and pills. The latter being literal! I'm trying to refocus how I measure productivity. My current measuring units tend to be on the toxic side of things I tell you. The pots are refusing to do the things to be done. It's such a crappy phase!
I hope that 2021 is being kinder to you.
Ordinarily, I keep my lows to myself. I just thought I'd put this one out there for people to understand that storms and lows come for us all. You are not alone.
During this season I'm learning to embrace the shadows that come along. I'm acknowledging how it's taking me a while to unlearn a few things. I'm also patting myself on the back for putting one foot in front of the other.
I'm praying that the universe revives my inner courage for the last stretch of this year. I'm hoping that I allow the sunshine in. I'm looking forward to the days when the power of my black girl magic is on beast mode!
For now though, I feel like butchering the lyrics of that 500 miles song. Allow me to unapologetically sing "I will walk 100 days and I walk 100 more...ta da lala la. La la la la la" 🤞👣
