Have you seen the ulala njani ungena x? (How do you sleep without having x?) trend making the rounds on social media? On my side of the world the question is normally followed by whatever life goal or status that you are aspiring towards. It moves from ulala njani ungena R50 000 in your bank account / any fancy gadget / degree. The list is endless. Bottom line though is how do you sleep without x?
My relationship with sleep is one that has transformed throughout the ages. When I was younger I used to dislike sleeping. I didn't get why they would even force us to take naps during the day. In an interesting turn of events, life has made me value sleep. I love sleep. I sleep for fun. I look forward to sleeping. Sleep is one of my favourite pass times. Sleep became even more precious after I was exposed to unfortunate things in life like insomnia. What a pain!
It's no hidden secret that these past few months have been a dribble. I find myself in an on and off hassle with ulala njani ungena x? For me, it has even extended to ublogger njani ungena x? (How do you blog without having x). One of the reasons why I've keeping low on these streets...sigh.
Please count yourself fortunate if you haven't found yourself in this spot in life. I don't wish it upon you. I don't wish it upon my least favourite people. If you have been here or are currently here I guess you'll be familiar with what I'm about to say.
I think the ulala njani trend is one of those that start out as positive motivation but, just end up exuding toxic positivity vibes. In the end, you're not left motivated to accomplish x or attain dream x. Instead you're stripped of a very basic gesture of self love which you owe to yourself. Ulala njani is so pain inflicting. It leaves you numb and it shifts your focus from reasons why you even need to rest. I cringe every time I see it. I cringe especially during this Covid-19 pandemic which keeps on taking and taking...
On good days, life affords me the luxury to simply answer and say: hamonate jwang! (This is a Sotho slang phrase which can be loosely translated to perfectly fine!). On neutral days, I side with every instinct to fight against insomnia. On bad days, however, ulala njani tackles me until I'm a bit low on self-love and I give in to burning the midnight oil. Not out of motivation or drive. Simply out of toxic positivity...
A younger version of myself would easily wish for more good days than neutral or bad ones. Adulting has taught me that the formula to life is accepting that bad days will come. Adulting is actually a sum of bad days with a dash of good ones. Life is teaching me to locate happiness even on those bad days...
So when reality asks you ulala njani ungena x? May you locate the courage to hit back and say: hamonate jwang!
