Settling into you, 2020, feels like waking up gradually from a much anticipated sleep. I couldn't wait for 2019 to end. I just wasn't ready for you to begin either. I think my system needed to go into limbo and recuperate before hopping into your treadmill. We're almost through your first month and my system is only coming around now. It's like I'm only hearing the birds chirp and sing outside my window, feeling the warmth of the sheets, curiously trying to remember my dream and pretending like time doesn't matter.
Putting together the Letters to 2019 series was such an insightful and relieving experience. One I really needed. There was so much I wanted to say, so much I managed to say and so much I kept to myself because I couldn't articulate my emotions. Deep down I feel like I need to visit the last few months of that year and get them off my chest. Hopefully then I would have the words and courage to. In the mean time, I'm grateful for what I could do. Even more grateful for the conversations I've had with you Life and Her Lessons (LAHL) family after each post. These were amazing. I appreciate them so much. I hope that this year we will continue to take bold steps to discovering our truths.
As you know, I'm not big on new year resolutions. I find them tedious and most times when I had them, I forgot them halfway through the year. I joined the yearly themes WhatsApp group a couple of years ago. My themes for 2020 are: No, Breathe and Psalm 115. No is based largely on tightening boundaries around my self care journey and learning to be comfortable with them. The adulting gig has taught me that each year comes with its share of hiccups. So I won't be wishing for smooth sails only. I just need to breathe through the bumps you'll bring 2020. The scripture anchor is an interesting one. I initially picked Psalm 23 but decided against it during the day when the universe took me to Psalm 115. This was the first scripture I ever shared at bible sharing back in primary. I had forgotten it and a part of me feels like I need its anchor this year. Coming across it somehow feels like my younger self was reaching out to me and giving me a huge hug. Psalm 23 isn't lost though. It remains an anchor with one of my closest friends. We need goodness and mercy to usher us through.
The year has been busy so far. This despite me being in denial of stepping into the treadmill. My family received a much anticipated miracle, I went on a self care adventure and I also actively took a step outside a very long standing comfort zone. Yeep. All that in the few days that have passed. I'll tell you all about them later. The experience at the top of my mind now happened while I was using a public bathroom a few days ago. I stumbled across something interesting at the back of the door. It was a clean page where people wrote motivational notes to one another. Someone even replied back that a message stopped her from committing suicide. Let me add some context, this bathroom is located inside an examination center on campus where tests and exams are written. It lies at the heart of the varsity beast where students go through the most. I will never forget how I failed a test dismally at this very venue back in undergrad. So these care notes are gold. They warmed up my heart on so many levels. We go through fires and storms in order to bring hope to others. Our consciousness is woken up in order for us to awaken others. We are because so many before us were.
I think now I can safely say that my entire system has accepted that its in a new cycle. I'm awake and I look forward to filling your remaining blank pages 2020. Be kind...
