Halfway through Twenty-Roller Coaster

When I revived this blog last year, with the 18 letters to 2018, the plan was to be consistent. That, unfortunately, hasn’t been the case this year. So I begin this post with an act of contrition: O dear readers, forgive me for my absence. It has been a roller coaster of a year!

I recently visited an amusement park with friends. When we stepped in there we had a couple of goals: have fun, remember to capture the memories, eat as much as you can and get on as many scary rides as possible. Sounds about right, right? The beginning of the year reminds me of this phenomenon. You plan to hop on to as many “scary rides”, tick off boxes and survive. No matter how much planning goes into it though, nothing prepares you for the roller coaster experience. Nothing prepares you for those few minutes, which feel like an eternity, when acceleration and gravity are interacting in interesting ways.

This year has felt like a roller coaster. It didn't usher in smoothly. The most frightening part of the ride has been health. My health woes creeped in just as the year was taking off. This slowed me down a bit...literally and figuratively. I’m not sure how it’s like in other communities but in mine you don't qualify as sick if you don't look like you are on the verge of meeting your ancestors. Nope. You need to have lost drastic weight, have your hair fall off or other explicit exterior. Basically if your exterior is good, then whatever it is that is bothering you on the inside is not big. This is an unspoken declaration in the village. I don't know who came up with these measuring techniques but this has been the case for as long as I can remember. As you would have it, I fell short of qualifying to look sick. I’m already a size 4 or size 6 on good / swollen days, the dreadlocks have grown longer and everything looks normal on the outside. So almost every declaration of my ill health is met with “aw'bonakali tu” which loosely translated to you don't show at all.

Juggling work and keeping up with the health has kept me occupied so much that it feels like I blinked, and then we were halfway through the year. Already?! How?

Six months down. Six more to go.

I think I mentioned in an earlier post that I’m not big on resolutions. Instead of jotting down things I'll do differently, I set a theme. The theme has three things : how I’d like to have fun, which virtue to nurture and a scripture which anchors me. My 2019 theme is fireworks, gratitude and Isaiah 60:22. While themes are not as stereotypical or limiting as resolutions, they have a similarity to some extent: they disappear. They disappear when you need them the most.

My health doesn’t show me fireworks, it sends flames. On days when I felt drained and in pain gratitude is the last thing on my mind. As for timing, I think my immune systems has a talent of picking the worst times to act out. During all these downs, however, the universe comes through in unimaginable ways and makes things work.

I see fireworks every time my extrovert side wins the battles over introvert me who is not a fan of public speaking. I find myself being grateful for so many things that I have overlooked before, this including my self-worth and self-love. God is still working on my impatient self.

My friends and I had a blast at the amusement park. We screamed our lungs out, enjoyed the food and remembered to capture the memories. No, we didn’t go on all the “scary rides" as planned. Did we chicken out last minutes? Well, I can’t exactly confirm that. What I can confirm though is that I guess the strategy for the next six months is to stick to the theme for 2019 and allow Twenty-Roller Coaster to roll out as she pleases...