Letter 20/20

 Dear 2020, 

Only a  few hours and you'll be gone. There were times when I couldn't wait to be here. This past month has given me the feeling that 2021 is going to make me wish I was kinder to you so, I will be.

My final theme for your timeline was breathe. Yeah ne. Out of all the things I could have selected. Befitting ne? This year took my appreciation for breathing to a whole new level. Breathing is one of those simple things in life that we tend to forget or take for granted. 

'I just need to breathe through the bumps you'll bring 2020', I said. Little did I know. Nothing. Not a slightest clue! We all know that you sent more than bumps. Grace held my hand and helped me breathe on each and every day.

I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone who refilled my oxygen tank on days when it was low. I'd like to thank people who helped me manage my breath and get to listen to what my body is telling me. Thank you to people who cracked me up to a point when I had to catch my breath. Thank you to you who always come on here to read these letters. I love and treasure our conversations.

I'd also like to thank myself. Yes, I'm pulling an Uncle Snoop. I'd like to thank myself to being true to myself, for working on my healing and for denying my ego every once in a while. I'd like to thank myself for everything I've done for myself in the name of self care. I'd like to thank myself for every leap I've taken, every pep talk I've given myself and all the times I've forgiven myself. 2020 was tough and I held on.

2020, thank you for life and her lessons.

Tsek regards

Linda 

Letter 19/20

 Hello 2020, 

I come before you with exhaustion, swollen feet and a minor headache. The African sun has been kind today. Maybe too kind. Who cares though? I'd pick Summer and heat over Winter and chills any day!

Let's get on with the theme of the day: No. This theme, like the previous, had me asking myself why I chose them so many times on your timeline. One of those "enjoy the bliss of ignorance" vibes. Nevertheless, I kept moving.

I think my relationship with No has always been tricky. No is like a frenemy. You want her around when it suits you. Wish her away when it doesn't. She's ungovernable. Quite the moody type. You may not always like her timing but, at the end of the day you appreciate it. One more thing: I think she misunderstood too. I don't blame society for this though. Yes is a tough rival! 

Me and No haven't always had the best of relationships. You've given me the opportunity to mend it, 2020. Tough lessons learnt. I've learnt that I need to be kinder to myself about creating "no" boundaries. It's hard! Triggers are real.

I've learnt that receiving a no isn't always a bad thing. This year I've swallowed bitter pills, went on mopping sprees and talked my ego out of wallowing in self pity.

Thank you for every no I've received, 2020. Thank you for every no I've given. Most of all, 2020, thank you for every no I've accepted...

Letter 18/20

 Dear 2020, 

How do you do?

It's almost time. Isn't it? I'm dedicating the last three days of the epistolary to the themes I've picked this year: No. Breathe. Psalm 115. After a very long eenie meenie miney mo I've decided I'll begin with the scripture anchor.

Iyhooo! What a challenge! I honestly don't know what I was thinking. Guys, remember how I was acting as if themes are better than resolutions? Did you show me flames 2020!

My scripture anchor was really challenging. On all fronts. A part of me wishes that I hadn't picked it. Another feels like maybe it was time. Then there's the other that just feels indifferent. Psalm 115 may have been so simple back in 2002. In 2020 it has come with so many complexities. I understand why younger me picked the verse. My current self, on the other hand, didn't resonate much. At least not most of the time. 

 

At some point in the year, Psalm 115 made me think about the toxicity of Christianity as a whole. How the bible was used, and continues to be used, to oppress people. How blacks were racially excluded because of God's "will". How "forgive and forget" is very selective and somehow forgets verse 16. Just how we tend to forget the values and follow individuals instead of the personal relationship with God. Sigh.

I don't want to be the kind of Christian who looks down on other beliefs. I might have believed in single truths at some point in my life. Not anymore. So the concept of "one true God" unsettles me. This space isn't political. So I'll just leave this at that.

There were times when I found myself questioning the will of God this year. There were times when I truly trusted God and He came through. That I'm still here is one of the greatest blessings of 2020.

I'm thankful for Psalm 115. More than anything, I'm thankful that even my bad days were a testament that God is good...

Letter 17/20

 Hybo 2020, 

I attend the family meeting this evening. 

Our president, Cyril Ramaphosa, just addressed the nation regarding the Covid-19 lockdown status. 

My mind wandered and drifted during his address. 

Honestly believe that there are times when I feel like I don't even understand English. 

Maybe it's my system adjusting. 

We're going back to Level 3 with adjustments. 

Alcohol has been banned...again.

Today has been a lot. 

Mixed emotions. 

Heavy heart.

Only thing I can tell you, 2020, is that uyiFilm.

 You. 

Are. 

A. 

Movie!