Letter 4 - Humpty Dumpty

 Hi 2021,

Ugrand? Today let's talk about my Humpty Dumpty moments on your timeline. Okay. Maybe one. We don't want to be exposing me now. Do we? 

This was one of those nursery rhymes I didn't quite understand. I liked it though. I sang along too and just moved with the flow. Deep down I kept wondering who the chap really was. Why was he on the wall? How exactly do you fall from just "sitting"? I think I settled to him being an egg. When eggs are broken, nothing much can be done. In hindsight, why would they have us sing about a helpless situation? Could this be the fine print about adulting that I missed?

So I wasn't exactly sitting on the wall when I met my fate. I was "technically" walking down stairs. It was drizzling too. I was walking down the stairs, carrying a black plastic bag on each hand and...next thing I knew...I was at the bottom of the stairs...

If you're cracking right now, I forgive you. I've told this story so many times and people didn't believe me. Not until they saw my bruised leg and how dark it got over time.

In my defence, I had received my second vaccination shot and the side effects were at peak. I was just in denial of the fact that I still needed to rest. That denial cost me street cred. I won't get into the comments from anti vaxxers. Yer!

There were no King's horses or King's men when I had my great fall. Nope. Just the stairs and those black plastic bags that I couldn't just leave there and go sulk.

Life is also like that. We won't believe that you're wounded. Not because we don't sympathise. We do. There are just some things that you go through alone. Only the scars will be left to help you tell the tale.

2021, you've served quite a number of these Humpty Dumpty moments. Ones I can joke about. Ones that I can't bring myself to think about without getting emotional. Ones I'd rather never relive. You've served them enough for me to be glad that I ain't no Humpty Dumpty...

Letter 3 - Audacity

Good morning 2021,

Today let's talk about my encounters with audacity and provocation on your timeline. Too many to count. Yer, I get hot flashes just by thinking about them.

I'm a middle child. This comes with multiple super powers. I've discovered that one of them is the superpower to detect "tests", temptations and provocation. I can spot provocation from kilometres away. This ability helps me calm down, dodge the attempt and move on peacefully. Sometimes though, sometimes provocation comes at you at a whopping speed of 260 audacity per hour. Yes. Think about it. You blink and then there it is. Totally unprovoked. Nothing prepares you for that shock!

2021, you've made me aware that this is such an Achilles heel for my ego. When provocation comes at me sideways I am always, okay maybe mostly, tempted to tango with it. Show it that I too can kwasa kwasa. This year though, I just found myself dumbfounded. I promise you, I've frozen most times when the audacity of provocation waltzed in front of me. Dodged it like I did those plastic and pantyhose balls we used to hit each other with back in the day.

One of my biggest provocation this year was a build up of events. At their peak, I found myself asking myself if I had done anything to "deserve" such bs treatment. The answer was an immediate no. Calming down, however, took a while to do. I guess that's what happens to a lot of us. Doesn't it?

I came out of that reflection with this: people fight wars we know nothing about. Being the dumping site of their frustrations doesn't necessarily mean that we are the root of their inner conflicts.

2021, it feels like you and my ego went out on a long strall. It discovered that there is beauty in humility. Especially during moments when we feel entitled to anger...

Letter 2 - eThembeni

 Happy Sunday 2021,

Let's talk about hope today. Let's talk about how your timeline has proven to me, time and time again, that for me hope comes in the morning. I have no qualms with joy coming in the morning. It does. Hope just beats joy to it. Beke le beke!

Hope is like that friend that you have but you can't pin to exactly when you became friends. I have a couple of those. They are normally the ones who come and just stick around. The interesting thing though, is that you never stop wondering when the friendship began.

My brother's name is Themba. It means hope. I've almost never used the name to call him. The ten, almost eleven, year gap between us has always required a prefix. We are big on prefixes here in Africa. So, I call him bhut'Themba. I guess this was my first encounter with the concept of "hope". I've always seen it from an authoritative perspective. Adulting is making me appreciate the authority is currently holds.

2021, your darkest pages made me stick close to my friendship with Hope. Hope is fierce and unapologetic. Hope is kinder than my inner critic. Hope is bold enough to stand up to anxiety when life gets lit. Hope consistently shows up for me. Hope has my back.

I have one regret about our friendship. I regret that most of the time, I'm hoping against the negative. I'm hoping against a bad day or things going wrong. I wish I could lean towards the positive. To hope that I make the most of each day or to hope that I am kinder...especially to myself. To hope that I accept things as they are and not as I think they should be.

On a lighter note, I found so much solace in the "eThembeni" state of mind. Dankie Mpura! Let's keep this one for my stan list. 

That being said, 2021 please help me raise a glass to my dear friend Hope. She is always right...

Letter 1 - iiNerves

 Dear 2021,

First of all, I YES you. You were a film! Yho.

You remind me of a time back in rural Eastern Cape when elders used to tell us we are giving them "nerves". I didn't understand the Queen's language much back then to even directly translate. I didn't need to. "Undenzela iinerves" (You're giving me nerves) simply meant we had to go and cause havoc elsewhere and leave the adult in peace. The mere thought of your timeline just makes me wish I'd slightly shut my eyes, give you a stern warning look and tell you undenzele iinerves.

Not that I haven't told you this. I'm currently working through one of your episodes. "iiNerves" are on peak.

Of all the years, you've made me question my chosen themes the most. You showed me so much flames that I'm just considering having "just make it out alive" as a theme for 2022.

Will. What will? What way? Adulting has showed me the high way so many times.

Stomach in...yhu! I knew this theme would be tricky on the relationship side of things. 2021, your timeline had me question so much. Like, when exactly did they conclude that blood is thicker than water? Was it before Jesus turned water into wine? Did it have anything to do with H2O as a chemical formula? I know it was definitely before they invented sparkling water. Has to have been because wow!

Psalm 143:8. Heyi. It's like my soul knew. This reminder was crucial. Did i not forget it when it mattered most?! Kodwa ke we all know that He's got a humbling way of getting our attention. Doesn't He?

Okay okay. I won't just be complaining during this series. That being said...you've schooled me on gratitude. Not the one we do for the gram. Nope. The kind that wets your pillow at night. The kind that motivates one foot to move after the other. The kind that reminds you that you aren't entitled to luck and grace. The kind that reminds you of the journey your ancestors took for you to be where you are. The kind that makes you understand why healing is important in order to live fully.

We've had a hectic ride 2021...